What the Pro-Life Movement Gets Wrong

What the Pro-Life Movement Gets Wrong

Let me be fully transparent here, I’m a pro-life advocate.  This hasn’t always been the case, but I’ve been for a couple of decades now.  I’m also the person who is considered the opposite of the political average in the group I’m in.  My conservative friends find me more liberal.  My liberal friends find me more conservative.  Me? I find myself just right J

I’m not looking to debate why I’m pro-life at this time.  I just wanted to give you a background on me, and where I’m coming from as you, hopefully, keep reading.  I promise to discuss this in more detail on a future date.

Now, this past weekend, KY politics went a bit sideways with bills passed affecting everything from bathrooms to unions.  One big-ticket item was the 20-week abortion ban.  We have some not so happy, and some happy, Kentuckians right now.  And, to be honest, I wasn’t 100% happy with the bill either (Civil action?  Really???  Thanks Obevin).

I’ve spent the past few days discussing this particular bill mostly with people who identify as pro-choice.

One particular conversation occurred (oddly enough) through an online dating site.  Well, I figured one way to get to know someone is to hit all the taboos upfront, right?

I asked one of the gentlemen what he thought of the past weekend.  He said of republicans, “they want government out of every aspect of their lives except for controlling their women.“  Huh, I know many conservatives and while the former is mostly the case, the latter hasn’t been.

Heading out to lunch with a friend a few days later, I mentioned the conversation.  Her response?  “He’s right”.  Double Huh.

My conservative, pro-life friends aren’t jerks (well, except for a few of you, but I love you anyway).  Why are they painted as women haters?

As I was re-reading the section of the bill that allows for fathers to pursue civil action, it hit me.  Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost sight of a very important person – the mother.  What levelheaded individual would allow for a mother to be sued by the father, especially in cases of coercion and force?  Apparently, our Kentucky Legislature and esteemed governor would.  Entirely the wrong message to send to women.

The pro-life movement dialog that I’ve run across in social media and the news is specifically, and solely, focused on the life of the child.  Not many pro-life advertisements really bring the well being of the mother into the picture (let alone to center stage). 

Women over the course of humanity have gotten a pretty raw deal.  While we’ve been around for millions of years (including our ancestors), we still don’t have equal pay.  We still carry pepper spray and Tasers when we walk alone at night (and sometimes during the day).  We still can’t drink from open containers we’ve left unattended at parties.  We still feel we have to achieve more in order to get the same level of respect.  And, we still receive mixed messages about who and what we should be:

·      ‘You can have everything, but you still better look pretty doing it!’

·      ‘Be a strong woman, but don’t be a bitch!’

·      ‘Be sexually liberated, but don’t be a whore!’

·      ‘Don’t eat animals treated with hormones, but take these pills to mess with your hormones.’

Hell, we’ve only been allowed to vote for less than 100 years.

We women have a lot of pent up anger and frustration. So, yeah, expect us to kick, fight, scratch to keep what we’ve been denied for so long – control of our lives.  This is what we pro-lifers forget when we start our rhetoric.  It’s about more than just the child – there’s another person involved who is completely losing their mind wondering what the hell they are going to do. Her life matters equally.

We need to send the right message to women, and to mothers – we care about you too.  We don’t want to control you; we just don’t want to see a unique person destroyed.  We want to help you as much as the child.  We have entire networks of ministries and organizations just for that purpose.

If we pro-lifers really hope to win the battle against abortion, we need to focus and communicate our entire story of love, hope and options.  We also need to be very clear about what we’re NOT about.  We aren’t about controlling, or limiting, anyone.  As a matter of fact, it’s just the opposite.  We want everyone to have the chance at reaching his or her full potential – including the unborn.

We also need to stop demonizing pro-choice advocates who are just trying to help women gain and retain control of their lives. While we are focused on the child, they’re just focused on the mother.  We can’t belittle people for that.

In fact, I’d argue we should be working together to help build a world where women feel valued and are able to achieve greatness.  I think we can all agree on that.