I took last week off as I’m just so emotionally drained and fatigued from everything going on in the world right now. There have been days I’ve just wanted to stay in bed in a fetal position. Luckily (maybe?), my dad raised my brother and I to get out of bed every morning. Feel sick? Get up, take a shower, get dressed and if you still feel bad, then go back to bed. Usually, after going through he motions, might as well go on with the day as planned.
Considering I could probably count on my hand the number of days I saw that man take off form work, he was dead serious. And yes, I said HAND, not hands. He had an incredibly hard job. He worked for a power company which would require him to work on/near boilers in the heat of summer and hydroelectric equipment on the river during the dead of winter. I look back and I’m amazed at how hard he worked.
While there’s longterm gains of being raised by a man like this, it wasn’t always easy. I had a list of things I never tried with my dad that other kids would get away with their parents:
- Backtalk (ok, occasionally, I was his daughter after all),
- Complain about how my life is hard
- Be lazy
- Cry over spilt milk, anything really (he wasn’t much for whining)
The summation of this is a pretty straight forward life philosophy: don’t sit around and cry about things. Get your head out of your <edited for content> and go work for it. Take control of the situation - you have no one to blame but yourself if you found yourself in a bad situation. Dad was a tough love kinda guy.
Fast forward the numerous years of my life until now. Holy Guacamole. I lack sufficient vocabulary to express how I truly feel about this complete and utter <edited for content>show that’s playing out locally and nationally. How did we break things so badly?
Well, I wasn’t raised to sit around and just complain about things, and about how everyone else should be doing “this” or “that”. That’s not how I was raised. However, human interaction really isn’t in my wheelhouse. Want me to evacuate a build/room fast? I’d recommend yelling “Unstructured Networking time!” instead of “Fire!”. No, I’m not joking. I’d rather burn than make small talk.
No, it isn’t fair that I’m wired this way, but my dad would also say “The Fair’s in August.” Regardless of how uncomfortable I am, I have to get over it. My city needs me. And, truth is, your city needs you too. *insert cheesy Batman joke here*
So, over the past few months, I’ve signed up for more volunteer work that places me in very uncomfortable positions (as in emotionally.. not physically.. just to clarify). I’ve found it draining at times, but I’ve also found it quite exciting. I’ve even attended a political event this evening. SHOCKER. True, I left when “unstructured networking” started, but baby steps, right? And, I did get to pet a cute puppy on the way back to my car. Win win, right?
Amazing how happy dogs make happy people. Cats suck - they are never happy with anything.
I get home tonight, after the aforementioned event and sit down to finish up my blog for this week. Still feeling frustrated, even with taking steps to try to be a part of the solution rather than the problem.
The title of Taylor Swift’s new single comes across my feed. Intrigued, I hopped over to Youtube to give it a full listen.
“Look What You Made Me Do.”
This song changed my entire outlook this evening. Last minute, BAM, complete 180. I've been playing this song on loop for the past hour. I'm sure generated enough in royalties for her to buy a new yacht. I LOVE IT.
Complete and total summation of everything that has been going on in the dark recesses of my brain.
It's the full truth of what's going on right now, if ever I’ve heard it.
Look what you made me go and do. You’ve gone and made me get active and venture out into humanity. This will not be forgotten. This will not be forgiven.
So, Good luck, my Dad and TayTay taught me well.
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