Special Topic: Football vs Kneeball

Lot’s of sniping about NFL and NBA players “taking a knee” during the national anthem.  When this first popped up, my initial response was:  kneeling is more reverential. Why be upset about it?

I don't consider kneeling as disrespectful.  I kneel at church all the time. I'm not protesting God.  If you want to protest, take a seat on the bench, or dance the Bartman.  But, this is the method that was chosen, so be it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of flag burning, or national anthem sitting.  But, I understand the statement.  I understand the little kid in my 5th grade class who was a Jehovah’s Witness.  He didn’t stand during the pledge and the class turned out ok.  The fabric of American society did not crumble.  People have protested for YEARS (as in two hundred of them) and America hasn’t fallen a part yet.  We’ve had a few close calls, but we’ve made it through.

A subset of citizens feel that “liberty and justice for all” doesn’t apply to them, or isn’t applied equitably.  Given statistics on incarceration - 1 in 3 black men are likely to be imprisoned as opposed to 1 in 9 of all men, or 1 in 17 of white men - they have a case.  Another statistic that ran across my attention recently, is that after WWII, out of the first 67,000 loans provided through the G.I. bill, only 100 were for non-white applicants. Yes, 100.

Take stats like these on top of the civil rights movement not even being 100 years old yet, fights over confederate statues in town squares, recent shootings by police of young black men (regardless of the justification) and white supremacists making their way back into mainstream media, we have American citizens who are hurting.  And, these people who are hurting are those least likely to have a platform that can push for change.

Those who have the platform, and understand what their communities are suffering with, have an obligation to bring it to the national stage. Regardless of what career they find themselves in, they have an obligation to do what is right and just for those who can't speak for themselves.

So many of you are saying how shameful it is for an NFL player kneel during the anthem since so many people died for his freedom to even play football.

You want to know what I find more shameful?  NOT using those rights that so many gave their lives to ensure.  Freedom means nothing if it isn’t exercised.  I don’t always agree with the motivations, or vehicle, but I agree you have a right to do so.  I will also respect the fact you may not agree with me, but we need to allow others the ability to exercise their freedoms based on their conscious.

At the end of the day, the most important takeaway is this:  people didn’t die for a flag or a song.  They died for the freedoms those symbols were created to represent.

Let’s keep it that way.

Angela’s shoes

Yes, I watched the September Apple event live.  Tweeted up a firestorm about it. Mainly snark.. but hey.. I was engaged right?  I’m also really looking forward to the series 3 watch.  I can’t wait to get one, and have it send out an alert every time some cute random guy wants to talk to me.  

“No, I’m not having a cardiac event, it’s your “ask for my number” alarm.”

Yeah, this is why I'm still single.  Anywhooo...

Back to the event…

When Apple’s head of retail, Angela Ahrendts, stepped on stage to go through changes to retail operations, all I could focus on were her shoes.  They were some kick ass shoes.  I loved them.  They were back matte (maybe a suede) open toed boot-heel. Did I mention I loved them?  I paid absolutely no attention to the presentation.  Just thought about the shoes.  How I wish I had the balance to wear that skinny (and high) of a heel, on stage.  Then I thought, this is one reason why I could never be an exec - I could never wear that type of shoe.

*insert record scratch audio*

What.  Did.  I.  Just.  Say?  I think I need to rethink this….

Ahrendts gets through her presentation, walks offstage, and Tim Cook comes back.  His shoes?  Looked like a pair of Vans from a distance.  Every other exec’s (all others were male) shoe wear?  Flat tennis/Van like kicks, everyone. I didn’t notice any dress shoes.

Overall, the menswear was more casual than Ahrendts.

Some of the dress code differences may have just been personal style, but I’ve noticed similar trends in my own life.  Women tend to dress “better” than most men in business situations, at least in my industry.  Most women in positions of power, wear heels. I’ve also noticed that when I dress ‘fancier’, people do treat me differently.

Why?

I have no real hard data as why, but it seemingly isn’t a figment of my imagination.

Apparently, women who wear more masculine attire tend to be hired more than women whose attire is more feminine.  We suffer from an additional double standard that men are allowed to wear basically the same clothes day in and out (from top execs to presidents), but women aren’t.

So, we have to dress more like men in order to get hired, dress more like women after we do and better not wear the same thing twice?  Are people really watching what I'm wearing THAT closely?  Talk about creepy.

Is wardrobe yet another form of unconscious discrimination?

I don’t know, but I still wish I had Angela’s shoes.

CIOs need better SOX

By now, you’ve probably visited www.equifaxsecurity2017.com to see if you’ve been compromised.

UGH. 143 Million people. Three Equifax execs poured salt in the wound by selling stock pretty close the the release date of the information. Everyone's a'twitter on Twitter to see if this violated insider trading regulations.

That’s when it hit me.  Why aren’t companies (especially publicly traded ones, or ones that deal with sensitive personal information) required to have a C-suite level chief information officer (CIO) who is held at the same level of accountability for security and sensitive data breaches as CFOs are for business reporting.  Sure, we have criteria and regulations that companies need to follow (FIPS, Common Criteria, ISO, HIPPA, etc), but what really results from this other than plummeting stocks and fines on the company itself?

If a CFO or a CEO signs off on negligent SEC filing - a whole heap of hurt will result that personally affects one or both (clawbacks and/or criminal charges). What happens with a data breach?  Fines for the company?  Loss of stock value to shareholders?

What happens to the individuals who make decisions that expose their customers?  Get fired?  Most C-suite folks are in the 1%.  They are more than capable of retiring and living on an island somewhere even if they never find another job anywhere. So what level of true personal accountability is there for them?

Let’s put it all on the table - the real underlying societal issue here, is the lack of responsibility of the 1% towards the rest of us little people. This is why we have so many SEC regulations.

When we (the little guys) need money - for a home, car, starting a new business, or covering unexpected expenses - we have to take the “anonymous” mass commercial route.  We have to go to banks and financial institutions, not people we know.

We don’t meet other rich people on the golf course.  We don’t have brunch at the country club with financiers.  We (typically) didn’t pledge with Manfred Moneybags III.  We don’t have the easy connections to get personal loans and investors.

Our credit and digital identity are the only things the mass market institutions have to determine whether or not they want to part with their money.  Our financial history is the only thing that determines whether we are a better bet than someone else with their capital.

If our credit goes south due to identity theft, we don’t have a bank of lawyers on retainer to take care of it.  We don’t really have people who know us well enough to be able to personally vouch or to provide the financing we need.

Bad credit ratings due to identity theft is crippling.  Just read this horror story.  Let’s multiply this by 140+ million people.  140+ million people who are not rich or well connected.

So, yeah.  When a company suffers a major breach and opens up the little guy to such pain and heartache, we should take it seriously.  We should take it seriously enough to place appropriate consequences upon those that hold the power in making decisions.  We should take it just as seriously as reporting financial information truthfully.

This falls to the CIO and CEO.

All publicly traded companies, and private companies that handle sensitive customer information (or provide these services (or software) to other companies), should be required to have the Office of CIO.  That CIO should, along with CEO, be required to sign off on all audits and bear personal responsibility for data breaches - similar to Sarbanes-Oxley.

These breaches have to stop and they probably won’t until the personal consequences become much higher in the C-Suite. #SoX4CIOs

The Curious Case of Melinda Gates

Another Melinda Gates article came across my feed this morning with the typically headline “I wouldn’t be where I am without contraception.”  Which is odd, considering the lack of contraception is the reason why she's physically here.  But, I digress.  Her main point, as I understand it, is that unplanned pregnancies are huge financial burdens on women and families. To alleviate the burden, don't have the children.  And, without access to abortifacients and abortions, it's hard not to have the children.

Now, those of you who know me, are probably getting your torches and pitchforks ready, as you are assuming what's going to come out of my mouth and that you already know you aren't going to like it.

Before you flick your Bic to light up the blaze, let me be very clear about something: I don’t believe people who consider themselves pro-choice/pro-contraceptive are bad people.  I understand it comes from a place of pragmatism and an underlying want to help women.  I get it.  I'm not here to cast judgement (for once).

I just want to give a different perspective.  Long term, I believe, pushing this agenda is actually harming not just women, but our society without actually fixing the underlying issue.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had earlier this summer with a young girl.  She told me “I probably won’t have kids.”  Of course, my follow up question was “Why?”  I didn’t ask this to be judgemental, I asked out of curiosity.  Most young girls I’ve spoken to over the course of my life want to be moms in addition to being doctors, lawyers and veterinarians.  The toy market is still filled with baby-flavored dolls and accoutrements.

I’ll admit, one could have a chicken & egg argument at this point regarding what little girls want versus what they are taught to want in toy stores.

“It will interfere with my career.”

*insert jaw drop*

I was a little stunned.  I have friends who have made this decision as adults, and there isn’t anything intrinsically wrong with it. I was just shocked that someone so young would even be thinking about the effects of children on one’s career.  Especially since she’s too young to have even know what career she wants.  But, she's a smart kid who has been taught something by society.

When successful women, like Gates, take such public stances, young women (especially girls) are listening.  When friends and parents struggle, they are watching.  What they see and hear comes across as one very scary lesson:  “Children undermine your potential”.  “Having children is bad.”  “If you have kids, you will struggle.”

While I would wish it otherwise, we have a society where this lesson is largely correct for women - exceedingly so for women either in, or just above, poverty.

We've all heard of the gender pay gap.  But, there’s an additional tax if you have kids.  Listening to the The Mommy Tax episode of the podcast Stuff Mom Never told You, I was shocked to hear that mothers are affected by the gender pay gap 5 times that of women without kids.  FIVE TIMES.  Five times on top of the already existing gap.

And, by the way, men with children get a pay raise in comparison to childless men. *cough*

So wages start out lower and/or slow overtime for mothers.  Add in the non-recurring and recurring costs of rearing a child (or children) and you have a recipe for financial crisis, especially if she is single (side note: in 2013 CDC reported 85% of women who had abortions were unmarried).  When pregnancy happens, the woman ends up bearing the responsibility physically, emotionally and financially.  An unplanned pregnancy can push a woman over the edge into the pit of poverty, or dig her another 10 feet deeper into it.

I can agree with Gates that we have a global problem.  I don’t agree with how to address it.  Abortion and abortifacients are one way to cope with the issue, but this seems short sighted.  As I pointed out earlier, this approach seems to propagate the idea that women shouldn’t have kids and their base physiology is harmful to their prosperity.

At this point, you are probably thinking (or, more than likely, eye-rolling), “Well, Miss SmartyPants, what should we be doing?”

Why don’t we start by not placing (or forcing) all the responsibility on women?

Why aren’t we fighting harder for equal pay (especially for mothers)?  Why aren’t we fighting for better work-life labor requirements?  Why aren’t we fighting for paternity leaves that allow women to return to work while fathers stay home?  Why aren't we fighting harder for affordable quality healthcare so that the cost of having and caring for a child isn't a financial death sentence?

Did you know the US Military spends $84M on erectile dysfunction medications, annually? How about redirecting those funds to help continue to level out responsibility - such as more research in male contraception or tracking down deadbeat fathers?  How about removing some of the stigmas surrounding vasectomies?

Yea, I know I've lost a few of my Catholic peeps with that last one, but we have to remember, not everyone is Catholic.

In 2013, we spent $2 BILLION (globally) on male pattern baldness.  Why not provide those funds (or a portion) to global organizations that provide educational opportunities along with child care options in safe spaces?

How about working to create better economies where jobs are available that can provide for families? Or, funding startups run by women (or even men) in crisis?

Through our actions, let's teach our daughters that while motherhood is a life sentence - it isn't a death sentence.

Of Dads and TayTays

I took last week off as I’m just so emotionally drained and fatigued from everything going on in the world right now.  There have been days I’ve just wanted to stay in bed in a fetal position.  Luckily (maybe?), my dad raised my brother and I to get out of bed every morning.  Feel sick?  Get up, take a shower, get dressed and if you still feel bad, then go back to bed. Usually, after going through he motions, might as well go on with the day as planned.

Considering I could probably count on my hand the number of days I saw that man take off form work, he was dead serious.  And yes, I said HAND, not hands.  He had an incredibly hard job.  He worked for a power company which would require him to work on/near boilers in the heat of summer and hydroelectric equipment on the river during the dead of winter.  I look back and I’m amazed at how hard he worked.

While there’s longterm gains of being raised by a man like this, it wasn’t always easy.  I had a list of things I never tried with my dad that other kids would get away with their parents:

1. Backtalk (ok, occasionally, I was his daughter after all), 
2. Complain about how my life is hard
3. Be lazy
4. Cry over spilt milk, anything really (he wasn’t much for whining)

The summation of this is a pretty straight forward life philosophy: don’t sit around and cry about things.  Get your head out of your <edited for content> and go work for it.  Take control of the situation - you have no one to blame but yourself if you found yourself in a bad situation.  Dad was a tough love kinda guy.

Fast forward the numerous years of my life until now.  Holy Guacamole.  I lack sufficient vocabulary to express how I truly feel about this complete and utter <edited for content>show that’s playing out locally and nationally.  How did we break things so badly?

Well, I wasn’t raised to sit around and just complain about things, and about how everyone else should be doing “this” or “that”.  That’s not how I was raised.  However, human interaction really isn’t in my wheelhouse.  Want me to evacuate a build/room fast?  I’d recommend yelling “Unstructured Networking time!” instead of “Fire!”.  No, I’m not joking.  I’d rather burn than make small talk.

No, it isn’t fair that I’m wired this way, but my dad would also say “The Fair’s in August.”  Regardless of how uncomfortable I am, I have to get over it.  My city needs me.  And, truth is, your city needs you too.  *insert cheesy Batman joke here* 

So, over the past few months, I’ve signed up for more volunteer work that places me in very uncomfortable positions (as in emotionally.. not physically.. just to clarify).  I’ve found it draining at times, but I’ve also found it quite exciting.  I’ve even attended a political event this evening.  SHOCKER.  True, I left when “unstructured networking” started, but baby steps, right?  And, I did get to pet a cute puppy on the way back to my car.  Win win, right?

Amazing how happy dogs make happy people.  Cats suck - they are never happy with anything.

I get home tonight, after the aforementioned event and sit down to finish up my blog for this week.  Still feeling frustrated, even with taking steps to try to be a part of the solution rather than the problem.  

The title of Taylor Swift’s new single comes across my feed.  Intrigued, I hopped over to Youtube to give it a full listen. 

“Look What You Made Me Do.”  

This song changed my entire outlook this evening.  Last minute, BAM, complete 180.  I've been playing this song on loop for the past hour.  I'm sure generated enough in royalties for her to buy a new yacht.  I LOVE IT. 

Complete and total summation of everything that has been going on in the dark recesses of my brain.

It's the full truth of what's going on right now, if ever I’ve heard it.

Look what you made me go and do. You’ve gone and made me get active and venture out into humanity.  This will not be forgotten.  This will not be forgiven.

So, Good luck, my Dad and TayTay taught me well.

In Defense of Ashley Judd

Yeah, I didn't see that coming either.

She's taken to social media to complain about being called a term of endearment and being complimented on her dress.  Personally, I'd be happy I didn't get a body cavity search. Regardless, I think it's worthwhile to give a different view on why Ms. Judd may have said what she did.

A few years ago, I spent a few months living in another country.  A country where I was a complete minority.  This white chick stuck out like a sore thumb that had a large pink splint attached to it.

Often, during lunch or dinner, I'd head over to the nearest mall to shop and eat.  Ok, mostly to eat.  Every entrance to the mall had a security checkpoint where bags would get checked.  Every time I'd walk up, the guard would usher me through without checking my bag.  Why?  Because I was a "westerner", some harmless white lady.

While this may seem lucky for me, it made me uneasy.  When it first happened, my initial response was "No, you need to search my bag, too".  It's only fair, right? Why are people being profiled like this? I shouldn't be treated any better than anyone else.  My sense of justice was irked.

Now, I'll admit, I doubt the TSA agent in question meant any harm, and I doubt the person needs to lose their job, but I can see why she felt the way she did.  I can also see why she chose to speak out about it.

You should treat everyone equally, regardless of how they look.  One could argue that Judd was the recipient of a compliment, but taking a stand on something when you are profiting from it speaks even more strongly.

As people of privilege (whether being white, straight, Christian, pretty, thin, male, or any combination of these), we are just as responsible to speak out when we see things that don't meet the ideals of the society we wish to live in.  Too many people are judged, profiled, and limited based on things that don't really matter instead of their character.  We shouldn't stand for it even if we profit - we should feel equally as responsible to fix the ills in our society.

And, to be honest, those of us who profit probably bear an even greater responsibility.

Confessions of a Catholic

One thing many (normal, everyday) Catholics agree on, is how much we don’t like going to confession. Sure, the more pious of you will remind me that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is probably one most important Sacraments of the Church.  Why?  Because it’s the ultimate expression of Jesus’s love for us.  All sins, forgiven - which is why He died on the cross for us.

No sin is too small to be seen, and no sin is too big to go unforgiven.

I intellectually understand this, but emotionally and psychologically, it’s hard for me to fathom at times.  I’ve never been 100% comfortable.  I’ve had some amazing experiences after confessions take place, but it’s hard for me to get through the initial “I don’t want to do this” phase.  It’s almost like running - you start out a race and your legs hurt, you wonder why are you doing this and then somewhere along the way you hit your stride, and you get that runner’s high.  Confession is like that.  Sucks at first, then the spiritual endorphins kick in, then it goes south a little when you get some weird penance that you have to complete.  Overall, you feel great, and are glad you did it and all you can think about is that tasty chocolate milk.

Regardless, I’ve been way overdue, and figured I’d best get my butt to the little wooden box.

When I walked in for confession today, I knew it was going to be one of those times.  One of those times where I would be adding a few more ticky marks to the sin list while waiting.  The line was already long and every person seemed to take about 10 minutes.  Times like these, I wish we had a “5 sins or fewer” confessional lane.  The line took about an hour.  And, while waiting, another priest showed up. At first, I wasn’t sure he was a priest until he walked into the priest half of the other confessional.  Once I got through my “whaaa???”, it was too late, the back half of the line I was in scuttled over filling up his line.

Why was I confused?  Some unsolicited advice for Priests: If you are walking around the sanctuary in your white hooded cassock, please leave the hood down - especially in the south.  People might get the wrong idea...

I finally made it through, and the worst possible scenario presented itself - I had a confessor who was hard of hearing, and I needed to speak loudly.  Not what I wanted to do in a church that was starting to fill up for the vigil mass.  And, to top it off, he was a talker.

Yup, this was going to be one of those times.  All I needed was six words.  I’m on a schedule, I did my thing, people are waiting, absolve me and let’s move through the line.  This confessional needed some increased operational efficiency.

I know, some of you are probably scandalized, but there is a point to this, that I’m getting to...

I’m kneeling there, after I’ve gone through my list of “I’m sorry I’ve been bad”s thinking I may have to interrupt to re-confess my lack of patience with humanity when something amazing happened across my ears.

“God didn’t make us to be robots.”  Seven words.  Not the six I had come for, but the seven I probably needed to hear.

As you may have already guessed in previous writing, I’m not a warm fuzzy emotionally teddy bear kinda gal.  I overlook the emotional, because it is typically messy, inconvenient, not relevant and usually illogical.  Even when it’s my own emotions.

This gets me into trouble.  This gets me into a great deal of trouble.  People usually find me standoffish (or worse) as a result.  And, I don’t always make a good first impression, especially with other women.

It’s tough to hear, but it’s necessary.  I wasn’t made to be a logical, analytical robot. Emotions are a part of our organic, complex, human programming.  I was made to be a living, breathing human being.  I was made to love and to be loved.  Just as we all are.

Yes, this was one of those times - one of those times where I realize the power of the confessional.

Let’s hope I remember that next time in the confessional line.