Angela’s shoes

Yes, I watched the September Apple event live.  Tweeted up a firestorm about it. Mainly snark.. but hey.. I was engaged right?  I’m also really looking forward to the series 3 watch.  I can’t wait to get one, and have it send out an alert every time some cute random guy wants to talk to me.  

“No, I’m not having a cardiac event, it’s your “ask for my number” alarm.”

Yeah, this is why I'm still single.  Anywhooo...

Back to the event…

When Apple’s head of retail, Angela Ahrendts, stepped on stage to go through changes to retail operations, all I could focus on were her shoes.  They were some kick ass shoes.  I loved them.  They were back matte (maybe a suede) open toed boot-heel. Did I mention I loved them?  I paid absolutely no attention to the presentation.  Just thought about the shoes.  How I wish I had the balance to wear that skinny (and high) of a heel, on stage.  Then I thought, this is one reason why I could never be an exec - I could never wear that type of shoe.

*insert record scratch audio*

What.  Did.  I.  Just.  Say?  I think I need to rethink this….

Ahrendts gets through her presentation, walks offstage, and Tim Cook comes back.  His shoes?  Looked like a pair of Vans from a distance.  Every other exec’s (all others were male) shoe wear?  Flat tennis/Van like kicks, everyone. I didn’t notice any dress shoes.

Overall, the menswear was more casual than Ahrendts.

Some of the dress code differences may have just been personal style, but I’ve noticed similar trends in my own life.  Women tend to dress “better” than most men in business situations, at least in my industry.  Most women in positions of power, wear heels. I’ve also noticed that when I dress ‘fancier’, people do treat me differently.

Why?

I have no real hard data as why, but it seemingly isn’t a figment of my imagination.

Apparently, women who wear more masculine attire tend to be hired more than women whose attire is more feminine.  We suffer from an additional double standard that men are allowed to wear basically the same clothes day in and out (from top execs to presidents), but women aren’t.

So, we have to dress more like men in order to get hired, dress more like women after we do and better not wear the same thing twice?  Are people really watching what I'm wearing THAT closely?  Talk about creepy.

Is wardrobe yet another form of unconscious discrimination?

I don’t know, but I still wish I had Angela’s shoes.

Why do you need to know this?

I just want to live my life.  I don’t want to talk about things with people when I feel it has absolutely no bearing on anything.  There are things I consider on a “need to know” basis.  Think I’m kidding?  Talk to my mom.  She thinks talking to me is like talking to brick wall that’s been plastered over with concrete and left in a vault at Ft Knox.

For some reason, people feel like they have a right to ask questions.  

An Example: my ear has decided it no longer wants to work appropriately and, as any normal person would do, I went to see the doctor this week at the walk in clinic at work.

I walk in and am handed a clipboard with some pages on it.  “Fill out these pages.”

I start reading through the questions figuring it had to do with past medical history and any meds the doctor should know about.

This is a sampling of what I found across 4 pages.  Yes.  FOUR pages.

• “What’s your level of personal stress?”  Was fine until I got this 4 page survey, of which only 25% dealt with my medical history.
• “What’s your level of stress at your job?” See previous response.
• “Do you have feelings of hopelessness?” I do while filling out this survey.
• “Do you sleep at night?” I may not as I feel my personal privacy has been violated beyond what it needs to be.

Oh, then finally this beauty - 

• “Which response best describes this statement: My partners and I use condoms: [Always], [Occasionally], [in monogamous relationship], or [Not having sex/does not apply]?”

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY EAR?!   What does ANY OF THIS have to do with my ear?

PSA:  If sex has anything to do with your ear YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!! Or, you have some weird fetish thing that I don’t want to know about, but you consider therapy.

On some weird adult level, I get it. People are asking questions to make sure they are looking out for me.  But, I’m a grown ass adult. I’m just here for my ear, not a gynecological exam.

I’m not in pain, I'm not bleeding.  I’m not dizzy, lightheaded, or otherwise think I’m Marie Antoinette (but I do believe in eating cake).

Just stick the lighty-thing in my ear, tell me it's an infection (or some weird wax buildup), and let me know what I need to do to make it better. 

That’s all I need.

It’s all you should need, too.

Dear Fellow Christians

I’m ticked at you too.

I shake my head and pray to God when I see some of your social media posts.  You scream about this being a country built on Christianity.  No, it was a country built on immigrants.  This is a country built on allowing people to believe what they want to believe.  This country was founded on FREEDOM, including religion.  This includes freedoms for agnostics, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Wiccans, and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Just because things aren’t going the “christian way”, doesn’t change that one iota.

Here’s a history lesson for you - “In God We Trust” wasn’t put on our money until 1861.  Theodore Roosevelt tried to remove it in 1907.  TEDDY ROOSEVELT.  Later in the 1950s it was accepted as our national motto.  We went almost 200 years without it.  Two.  Hundred.  Years.  How on God’s Green Earth did we make it that long???

And, to top it off, “Under God” wasn’t added to the pledge until that same timeframe.

So, I have to ask - why are you so concerned about America being a Christian nation anyways?  Is not our treasures outside of this world?  Are we not called to carry the cross that He did?  Are we not called to be persecuted for His sake?

Are we not called to be apart from this world regardless of the consequences?

People have been martyred for our faith - fed to lions, strung up on poles, beheaded, burned at the stake or beaten.  None of which has happened in the US, at least not to heterosexual, caucasian, male, protestant christians.  Some outside that demographic haven’t been so lucky.  So, maybe you should think about that before getting too uppity about not being able to have a “Christmas” party at a school.

In the end, what are you so afraid of anyway?  The unknown?  Loss of your faith?  Children drifting off to join the CoFSM?  

Doesn’t the phrase “Fear not” show up in the Bible about 87 times?  Matthew 10:31 - “Fear Not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.”  

So why are you worrying?  Why are you pushing?  Why are you digging your heels in over a civic government entity? Why create more of a hostile environment for people who are already dealing with a world of hostility?

Yes, I know we are called to conversion and to be His hands and feet. But those hands and feet shouldn't be kicking and slapping people who don’t agree.  We should be the hands and feet that are working the fields, serving the poor and healing the sick.

So stop worrying about something that isn’t of our concern.  America wasn’t founded as a nation “under God” - this is a nation founded against tyranny.

Don’t undo that by making Him a Tyrant.

Dear California,

I see you’ve made a decision not to join us for Derby next year, use our convention facilities, or drink our bourbon.  Shame, we will miss you, your wines, movies, Disneyland and Kardashians.  But, ultimately, I understand you feel you need to take a stand against other states who you feel aren’t upholding your views on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  And, I understand that sometimes it isn’t worth waiting for Supreme Court rulings to take care of things, like it did DOMA.

I mean, why wait for due process, when you can use your economic power against smaller states for the good of all the US, right?

THANK YOU for being the proactive, progressive state looking out for those of us who don’t know better.

Without you, I’m not sure how KY will ever recover from such a horrific law as allowing school groups to set membership requirements.  I mean, seriously, removing Jesus from a “Charlie Brown Christmas” program didn’t require such a heavy handed response from Commonwealth leadership.  I mean, it’s not like Christmas has anything to do with Jesus anyways, am I right?  So, why did people get all weird about it and pass such asinine legislation to protect school programs?? #XChristFromChristmas

But, let's be honest, we’re pretty inept here.  I mean, before you spoke up, I hadn’t heard much, if anything on my social media feeds about Senate Bill 17.  It took courage from someone like you to set my Twitter feed ablaze with the fire of righteousness.  Again, thank you.  

You have shown us the light and, apparently, our own laws.  You have given us courage to speak our minds and hearts and to rise up against the injustice that may, or may not, happen in our schools.  We know we aren’t alone here in KY.  We no longer fear the likes of Bevin and McConnell…. All because of YOU.  #slowclap #wipestears

I can’t wait until the next gubernatorial election knowing that you are on our side.  Bevin’s going to be beaten so badly.  I mean, how is he going to recover from this?  If only he’d thrown himself upon your mercy as Mayor Greg Fischer and Mayor Jim Gray did, he may have had a chance.  Now what’s he going base his campaign on?  Standing up to other government entities who would see themselves as the overlords of our small, but precious state?

I can’t wait to see the laughter and sneers from across the Bluegrass as they hear his sure-to-be slogan: “While Kentucky liberals kowtowed to coastal left-wing agendas, Matt Bevin stood up for Kentucky.  Matt Bevin stood up for you.”

What a sad attempt at a campaign slogan, am I right?  I mean, who would fall for that claptrap?  Yeah, this won’t fly at all.  I’m sure all the Democrats will have to do is sit back and let him implode like he did last election.  Errr.. I mean, sit back and watch how Trump imploded… err.. hrrmmm.. wait…Uhhh. Moving on….

Again, I want to to thank the great state of California for being our moral compass and using their stature as the largest state in domestic product, highest number of electoral votes, largest number of House Representatives to push the small, less enlightened states around.  We need are so desperately in need of your leadership and guidance.

I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.  What will be your next crusade?  Medicinal Marijuana?  Free abortions for all, even for men - because, you know.. equal rights?  Expanded gun laws?  Giving voting rights back to felons - wait, we’ve already done that.  

I’m so excited I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks, California!  You are the Real MVP.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S.  To be on safe side, you may want to start stocking up on yarn now.  I have a bad feeling we may need more hats through 2024.

*random edits*

Symphonic Resonance

I ran across this article, by Mark B. Baer, in Psychology Today that explains the seemingly decoherence of the Left’s reaction to Comey’s tenure and ultimate firing. Essentially, Baer argues that it comes down to context, which is the result of empathy. Empathetic people understand context. Un-empathetic people don’t.

I’m not a big fan of the entire article, as it’s saying anyone who doesn’t understand the left’s reaction to the removal of the FBI director, doesn't understand context and not empathetic. I don’t buy it.

I agree that someone could feel he needed to be fired, and still shocked/worried when it happened. Why? Because this has been going on a for quite a while, and yet when the firing happened, no succession plan was in place. Given current events and probes, this seems rather incompetent and ill-advised. If you are going to make a play, draw it up first and take your team through it.

I also agree that someone could shake their head at someone who calls for a firing, then laments the act when it happens. It comes back to consistency.

Now, the real point of me bringing up this article, is it references this summary (written by Kim Hartman) of the book A Whole New Mind, by Daniel Pink. Yes, I do eventually get to the point. It’s over 10 years old now, but looks to still have some legs.

This book works under the assumption that there are multiple stages in our evolution - efficiency, then facts, and then on to context. And, if your wondering, we’re moving from facts to context at the moment. To be successful, one must go beyond left-brained attitudes focused on micro-attentions on minutia, and move into the realm of right-brained holism. It’s not good enough to just know the things. You need to know why the things.

With the internet, anyone can access any bit of information available within seconds (well, I guess that only goes for about half the world, sadly, as many are still without access, whether due to lack of infrastructure or lack of funds, but that’s a different topic). There’s no value in simply knowing facts anymore. No value in rote memorization.

Quick poll: How many of you, over the age of 30, can recite your parents’ landline phone number? Now, how many of you can recite your best friend’s cellphone number? Or your child’s, or your siblings’, or you boss’s?

There’s no value because everything is at our fingertips - quite literally. So, this idea of moving up to the next layer of intellectual consciousness seems to make sense. What else are we to do with our brains if we no longer need to memorize multiplication tables?

Out of the 6 new “aptitudes” Pink outlines, one stood out to me - “Symphony” (others being design, story, empathy, play and meaning). This was also the section brought out in the aforementioned article. Symphony is the idea of synthesis over analysis. Being someone with an engineering/CompSci background, this piqued my interest. I’ve always believed, at least to this point, that analysis was the end goal and how you synthesized data. I didn't know they were different.

You get your data sets together, you look at them, make a decision and boom - you're off and running. Classic analysis. So, what what is different with "synthesis"? Not quite sure I see the difference just yet. I guess I will have to read the book! Which I will and I will do a classic book report when I'm done!  You.  Are.  Welcome (eventually).

I’m assuming they are essentially two sides of the same coin. Analysis is more passive - you wait to see what the data tells you. Synthesis, however, is active - you take and mold information and data together to create new insights.

Maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless, I absolutely love the terminology used. This visceral idea of a symphonic convergence of information, context and understanding. Looking at the basis of core innovation as a collection of strings, woodwinds, percussion and brass instruments, being conducted into one complete harmonious movement that conveys it’s own deep unique meaning. A group of brass, or percussions alone do provide music, but fail to provide the level of richness that a full symphony does. Singularly focused ideas miss out on some of the nuance and texture that is found when used in a larger context.

Maybe I need to think less singular thoughts and branch out into grand symphonic ideas. Oh, to be such a talented conductor to achieve this very thing!

Maybe I will buy that baton... this symphony thing is resonating with me..

The Not Giving a !@$ Tree

Angry tirade incoming...

The Giving Tree (by Shel Silverstein) would make me cry when I was younger.  The tree was such a heartbreaking tale to me, but I could never quite put my finger on why it affected me so much.  Silverstein was writing a story about the Joy that comes from selfless love.  Why did it make me sad?  When I really started to think about the story as an adult, I started to understand my underlying feelings.  That sadness turned to anger.

I know, a kids book? Anger?  Really?

Let me explain.

Now, interpretations of the story have the tree as a mother or friend.  I'd argue that there could also be a romantic relationship interpretation.  The following can apply in any of the interpretations.

The boy uses the tree.  She wants him with her, so she does everything she can to make him happy.  At first, it's apples.  Then, leaves and branches.  Finally, she gets chopped down leaving her nothing but a stump.  She gave up her essential self as a tree for someone else.  Someone else who didn't seem concerned by the loss of who she was, as long as he got what he wanted.

He never said thank you.  He never said he loved her.  He left her to pursue other women.  He hallowed her out, depriving anyone else of enjoying what she had to offer.  When all she has left is a stump, what does he do?  He sits on her.  He <edited for coarseness> her!  And, she was HAPPY?

This is exactly what is wrong with our society.  We glamorize the wrong kinds of sacrifices and set up the wrong examples of healthy relationships.

We tell little girls that this is what you do in a relationship.  Give until there's nothing left and be happy about it.  Put your happiness in someone else besides yourself.  Follow someone else's purpose for you, not the purpose God has laid out for you.

I do believe that sacrifices are essential parts to living a disciplined, purposeful life. Those sacrifices, however, need to be the right kind.  The kind that help mold you into a better version of yourself and purpose (some might interpret this more as passion, either works).

You sacrifice partying to get through school.  You sacrifice money to spend more quality time with family.  You sacrifice your time taking care of a loved one.  You sacrifice popularity, opportunities, and friendships to do what's right.

There's nothing wrong with sacrifice, as long as it isn't a sacrifice of your core self.

The Giving Tree compromised her essential self by giving everything she had away in order to be happy with just that one boy.  She went from healthy, fruit bearing tree to lifeless stump.

Who considers this healthy life choice?

This is why I get so angry with this book.  People read it to their impressionable children as a "good" story.  It isn't.  Not even close.  I would not want any child of mine to think this is acceptable behavior out of their friends or romantic partners.  Pick people who help you grow, not those who cut you down and strip you bare.

No healthy relationship should require you to sacrifice who you are or your essential purpose in life.  If you find this difficult to understand - I have better things to do and they don't include you.



If I were to rewrite this book? I'd call it The Not Giving-a-@#% Tree.

• Want to have some of my apples?  Fine, don't be greedy and leave some for others.
• Want to swing in my branches?  Fine, just play nice with others.
• Want to build a house?  Fine, build it out of that heifer you are running off with.
• Want a place to sit down? Fine, you can bring a chair or sit your behind down on the grass.
• Want me to be anything else other than a tree?  I don't give a @#%, I'm a tree.  Deal with it.

The Big Little Lies

***Spoiler Alert*** This week is referring to the book “Big Little Lies” by Liane Moriarty and hits a little on the HBO series based on the book.

Please do not read if you haven’t read, and plan on reading, this book or watch the show.  If you have read, or do not have plans to, then feel free to continue.

I was reviewing my monthly budget a few weeks ago and realized that I had not ever, once, finished an audiobook I had purchased through my Audible account.  I looked into canceling my account and I found out that I’d lose the monthly credits I had built up if I did.  Bummer.

So, as to not “lose” money, I went on a quest to find audio books that I actually thought I might listen to.  I’m more of an “eye” person when it comes to books and my ears typically preferred music, so wasn’t having much luck.  Then, I saw Big Little Lies.

I had seen the ads for the HBO show.  I remember Shailene Woodley running down a beach, Reese Witherspoon with the guy from Parks and Rec (not Chris Pratt, Rob Lowe, or Ron Swanson - it’s the other guy), and Nicole Kidman.  Nicole Kidman!

Aside: I’m not a big fan of Shailene Woodley.  She probably is a wonderful person, but ever since an article on her where she described re-usable feminine hygiene products, I’ve been creeped out and don’t go out of my way to watch her movies.

The TV show has Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon.  It has to be classy, right?  So, I purchased the BLL Audiobook, along with a couple others from different authors. *BOOM* Credits used, time to cancel the account.

I downloaded the audio, and started on my journey to a Sydney suburb with lots of rich white people.  I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it, but I found myself not able to stop listening.  I’d listen while in the shower, in the car, at work (which led to some very bad spelling and poor spreadsheet execution, but I digress).  I even started watching the show before I had finished the book.  

Another side note:  the book is better than the show, unless you want to see Kidman’s boobs, the book doesn’t have those. I believe they may have gotten their own credit at the end of the show.

So what is so compelling about the lives of three suburban Australian mothers?  The story itself was well crafted.  You don’t know who the victim is until the end.  You see the juxtaposition between what actually happened and the recounting of events through the eyes of those around them (throughout the book and show, the story is interrupted by interviews with witnesses).

*Spoilers incoming*

What really got to me was something on a much deeper psychological level.  Each of the three main protagonists were abused in some sort of way and each were in different phases of recovery.  Madeline was the furthest along, Jane’s in the middle, and Celeste really hasn’t started yet.  Their stories, when told together, mainly get to the crux of recovery from abuse.  It also delves into the internal conflict that happens when women are abused.  Some of it, to be honest, was a little scary to me.

Madeline’s husband left her right after their child was born.  He just told her “I can’t do this” and walked out.  She was left to fend for herself and her child.  She put her head down, got a job, raised her daughter.  She eventually met Ed, married and had two more kids.  Her marriage with Ed seems pretty stable (in the book, the show handles her marriage a bit differently).  She still harbors resentment for her ex, who now lives in the neighborhood, is remarried, and is back in his daughter’s life.  Madeline is struggling with the “injustice” of it all.  He’s married, has a beautiful wife, is a doting dad for his new daughter, and his older daughter eventually moves in with him, leaving Madeline behind.

How can someone who was such a complete dick, end up getting the perfect life?  How does that even happen?  Aren’t people supposed to reap what they sow?  How long do we harbor anger? How can someone who wrongs you so completely not have any lasting effects?  Her story focuses on her anger, and the struggle to let it go.

Jane’s pregnancy was the result of a one night stand that morphed into sexual and emotional assault.  The father of her child turned out to be a callous, horrific, mean person.  I won’t go into details of the assault, but he broke her down as emotionally as he did physically.  Jane left law school to have her child, and spent the first few years of his life making ends meet as a bookkeeper, silently worried about whether her son would be genetically predisposed to violence and cruelty.  A running storyline is that her son was accused of choking a girl in class and subsequently bullying her.  She defended him as any mother would, but was also afraid he might have done it.

How do we pick up the emotional pieces once the physical ones are healed?  How long do we let that power linger over us? How long do we harbor fear? How many of us hold on to fears as if they are real tangible things?  Like a poisonous snake we are holding by the head and we’ll get bit if we let go?  Her story is about fear, and the struggle to let it go.

Celeste.  Poor Celeste.  This is the real gut wrench of the book as you slowly come to realize that her perfect marriage is a sham.  He beats her and sometimes she fights back.  She loves him, she feels he loves her.  She thinks about leaving, but realizes she could never love anyone else.  She keeps this to herself, never telling anyone about the abuse.  He never hits her in places where it is obvious, so no one suspects.  Plus, who'd expect such a beautiful couple to have such an ugly secret?  The abuse continues to escalate to a point where she is in bed for several days “sick”.  She then finds out, through one of her twin sons, that her other twin son is the one abusing the little girl at school and not Jane’s son.  She also finds out he has been bullying another girl as well.  All that time, she didn’t think her boys had seen what their father did to her.  She finally realizes that her boys are as affected as she is.

How do you come to grips with reality?  How long to you harbor the lie?  How long do you convince yourself that it’s ok, or will be ok?  How long do we stay in situations that aren’t healthy?  The scariest parts of this book, to me, are the rationalizations Celeste uses to stay.  You don’t get the internal dialogue in the show as you do in the book.  As you read (or listen to it), it makes perfect sense:

• “I escalated it”
• “I should have just walked away”
• “I shouldn’t have said it”
• “I shouldn’t have asked him to do <X>”
• "I have so many things that others don't, I have no right to complain". 

How many times do we say these very same things to ourselves?  Her story focuses on the lie she’s been living, and the struggle to let it go.

I won’t ruin the murder mystery and plot twists only to say that while the story focuses on the lives of Celeste, Jane and Madeline, the other mothers have their own stories.  We get flashes of those stories in how they each react to the events surrounding the murder.  You understand more of their motivations and their own lies that they’ve been living - e.g. Tough Renata’s marriage has its own issues and mellow-tree-hugging Bonnie is fighting her own demons.

This was such a good book. Frightening, but good.  If you don't plan on reading it, please reconsider.  If nothing else, maybe you can learn the spot the big little lies your loved ones might be telling you (or you might be telling yourself).

If it’s broke, don’t fix it.

Nope, not a typo.  Some things were meant to not work, and we should stop busting on ourselves for not being able to fix them.  

I was debating what to write about this week (with last week being off due to a long weekend), and on the way back from my trip, an idea started to form - the idea of brokenness and it’s effects on us as people.  Then, this came across my twitter feed from Fr Sichko (@JimSichko) yesterday:

Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak. Sometimes it means you are strong and smart enough to let go and move on.

That’s so true.  I only wish I understood this 10+ years ago.

2016 was a sucky year for me.  One in which I had no idea where my life was headed.  I had suffered a major life adjustment at the end of ’15 and wasn’t sure how to deal with it.  I had this blank canvass in front of me with no idea where to even find paint.

At the beginning of 2015, I had my life planned.  I knew who I was, what I was doing, the whole shebang.  What I didn’t know is that I was living in an alternate reality with absolutely no concept of what was really going on.  (Ok, maybe that isn’t completely true, there were signs, I just didn’t want to see them.)

That alternate reality bubble burst by the end of the year.  All the ideas, thoughts, and plans I had dissipated like those little soapy spheres.  Reality set in.

The reality was, my life was broke. Well, not just broke, it was broked.  I had cocooned myself into a relationship that wasn’t working. I was fighting in a job that wasn’t working (and hadn’t been for a while).  I was spending the majority of my time being what I thought everyone else around me needed.  I was trying to fix everything, make everyone happy, and get the job done no matter what it took. No matter the personal toll.  

I’m a problem solver.  I fix things.  It’s what I do.  I’m the person who will continually ram into a brick wall until I get knocked out with a concussion. Again, it’s my personality. I'm a bulldog.  I’ve never learned when to walk away.  Giving up was always “loser” talk.

Once everything went south, I had a hard time adjusting at first. I remember New Year’s Day 2016 thinking, “Wow, this is the first year in a very long time that I don’t have anything planned.  I have no idea what’s going to happen.”  Well, not much did happen, other than gaining weight and spending a great deal of time trying to figure out what went wrong (again, trying to dissect and understand root cause.. aka first step to “fix things”).

It was about the end of 2016 that I finally figured it out.  I’d spent so much of my time these past few years (not just 2015), trying to fix things, trying to fix people, trying to make things work that honestly weren’t meant to work.  I wasn’t strong enough to let go.  Wasn’t wise enough to really see what the impact on my life and what it was costing me.

That little light bulb finally went off in my head at the end of last year.  I realized I’d given up something very important.  Lost something very important.  I’d lost me.  I realized I didn’t know who I was as a person anymore. I had been so focused on “taking care of business”, I wasn’t taking care of me.  My identity had morphed into a robot whose sole purpose was to keep everyone happy, and ended up making no one happy (least of all, me).  (I made some mention of this back in Identity Management)

The good news is, 2017 is turning into a much better year.  I’m taking on some new projects to rediscover the person that is me (this blog being one).  I’m learning to enjoy things again for the sole purpose of enjoyment.  Not because it makes someone else happy, but it makes me happy.  I'm also learning to not give a rats @$$ about other people's opinion of me.  Ok, I still give some level of rats @$$, but I'm much more careful about who is on the "opinions I care about list".  That list is certainly much, much shorter these days.

I’ve learned that if something isn’t working, it’s ok to let it go.  I’m not a failure if it doesn’t work.  I’m not failure if people are pissed at me.  I’m not a failure based on someone else’s life or opinion.  I'm enough. I'm ok as long as I "do me".

I’m only a failure if try to live a life that wasn’t meant for me.

The Single Disability

I had planned on writing an entirely different blog this week, but decided to change my mind after going to the movies tonight.

I’ll be straight with you, I’m a person who spends quite a bit of time alone - mostly due to my introverted nature and social awkwardness.  I’m ok with being alone for the most part.  Times that I’m not?  They usually involve storms, large spiders or lawn care.  I.  Hate.  Lawn.  Work.

I never let being a party of one hamper my style.  I still go out to see the moving picture shows, travel, go out to dinner, shop, and do everything normal people do.  I get occasional looks, but for the most part it’s fine.  I enjoy myself, and go home to a house that is set to just the right temperature for me.

Other times, it gets awkward - mainly due to other people.  Take tonight for example - I buy two tickets to go see a new movie.  I forget to see if any friends want to go see it with me.  No problem, I’ll just go by myself and have a seat open next to me in what will more than likely be a really crowded theater.  This theater has reserved seating, so I paid for two particular seats. I’m golden.  I don’t have to worry about fighting over getting a cupholder.

Just before the movie starts, it happens.  What every person who has ever go anywhere alone absolutely LOATHES beyond all loathing… “Is anyone sitting here?” 

Mutha@#%!^

“I want to sit next to my son” this guy tells me.  The son looks to be at least in his teens or later, so it’s not like daddy needs to watch him.  Again, these are reserved seats, so they apparently bought separate seats.  Maybe his son did it on purpose and I ruined his evening of peace.  I must say, I’m kinda glad I did.  Buy tickets together next time!

Flustered (I mentioned the social awkwardness earlier, right?), I tell he guy “Well, technically, it’s mine, but go ahead and sit there.”  I’m only half an ass and I try to keep it on the inside, most times.

The guy just looks at me and says “Did someone not show up?”  Great, now Mr "I have to babysit my adult son in a rated R movie" thinks I’m some sad woman who’s been stood up.  “Can you get a refund?”  /facepalm.  “Seriously, if you don’t use it can you get a refund?” 

Can someone PLEASE stop this conversation before I stab him with my ICEE straw.  It’s a Wild Cherry ICEE, so no one would notice the blood, right?

Finally, I convince him it’s fine (btw - how did it turn into convincing him to take my damn seat?  What. The. Hell????) and he sits down and the movie starts.  I’m now sitting with people on BOTH sides of me.  And, of course, both people have very long arms with elbows flying out like albatrosses.  For you tall people reading this, I realize things aren’t easy for you.  But, just because I’m short doesn’t mean I enjoy getting elbowed CONSTANTLY (unless you happen to be cute - momma can work with that).

Luckily, it was a great movie that I enjoyed and eventually stopped stressing.  I just wish solo folks would get more consideration than we do around town.

Here are a few examples of what it's like running solo:

Seating - as described above in the movie scenario.  Also, in pew-like seats, I’ve found that if you are alone, you get squeezed more.  If you are a family with kids, people don’t sit next to you.  Oh, and some families tend to take up a lot of space in pews.  You know who you are, and now you know I see you and the fact you take up space for 8 with your party of four.  Gluttony is a sin.

Restaurants - You run into that awkward moment when you need to use the restroom and you aren't sure how your wait-person will take it.  Will they think I dined and dashed?  Will they clear my table and sit someone there while I’m gone?  It’s worse in the late spring through early fall because you don’t have a jacket to leave behind indicating you haven’t actually “left”.

Traveling - If you travel with someone, at least one of you has a window or aisle seat and you can invade or lean in to each other's space.  What I HATE is when I’m sitting next to couples or families that think they can invade my space just as much as they can invade their partner's.  Lady - back the hell up, because we are about ready to have a 2 hour delay and a visit from an air marshal.

Once you land at the airport, you have to take all your carry-on luggage with you when you go to the restroom.  If you are coming back from a long trip overseas, you have a LOT of crap to deal with..in a bathroom stall with about 30 other women trying to get in and out to catch their next flight.  And, to spice things up, everyone is MAD about something.  I won’t start on the food court situation.

Random Do-gooders - They see someone alone, and feel sorry for them, so they incessantly talk to them so they don't feel so alone. Listen, I appreciate it, but I had headphones in for a reason.  I don't have a high smalltalk skill (I typically roll a 1 when faced with this type of encounter), and it usually makes me feel even worse if no one had spoken to me for the rest of my life.

I could go on, but I’m tired of being passive aggressive about this whole seat situation.  Writing this has worked it’s magic and now I am back in my happy place.

Just do me a favor next time you see someone solo - give them some space.

Morality of Mars

An interesting Aeon article popped into my news feed this past week: Is a mission to Mars morally defensible given today's real needs?   Spoiler alert, the article ends up with a “no”.

My initial reaction was pretty much the same.  Why spend money on space exploration to another planet, when aren’t even providing safe drinking water to Flint, MI?  The focus and expense just seems wasted to send some Matt Damon wannabe to plant potatoes.

A few days, alternate facts, and angry social media frenzies later, a thought occurred to me - When’s the last time our nation actually came together behind something bigger than ourselves?  

When is the last time we, collectively, were proud of ourselves as a nation?

All throughout American history, we’ve had some great achievements.  Achievements born out of decades worth of work, dedication, blood and sacrifice.  The American Revolution, Expansion to the West, Winning World Wars, and sending men to walk on the moon are just a few.  I love seeing old reels of Times Square post WWII.  That looked like one hell of a party.  (Keep in mind, I'm not trying to gloss over the atrocities that occurred.  Bad things happened, and we need to learn from our mistakes.)

If I start thinking about the past few decades, I’m not sure I can find much that has the same awing effect as the lunar landing. <Thinks hard again>  Nope, still nothing.  

The 2016 Summer Olympics?  That was nice, until our swimming team ended up vandalizing property, lied about it and ran. Embarrassing.

The more the thought of a manned (or ‘person’ed) mission to Mars rolled around in my brain, the more I liked the idea.  It was something to be excited about.  Something that people only dreamed about or read in Sci-Fi novels.

With all the turmoil, division, and nastiness that’s overwhelming us, I can see how space exploration could be seen as either a selfish pursuit or a devious distraction for what’s going on behind the curtain.

But, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that we need something.  We need something so completely outside of our current concerns.  We need something to dream about.  We need a common purpose born out of hope and not fear.  We need something to lift our spirits as well as our eyes away from the muck of the day to day and actually see that there’s still sunlight overhead.

How awesome would it be to put away our differences, put on our thinking caps and engineer something this world has never seen before? 

How awe-inspiring would it be to be glued to the internet live(ish) feed watching the first person set foot on another planet.

How amazing would it be to stand together, regardless of our differences, grin ear to ear and say “We did that.  We did that together”.