The Single Disability

I had planned on writing an entirely different blog this week, but decided to change my mind after going to the movies tonight.

I’ll be straight with you, I’m a person who spends quite a bit of time alone - mostly due to my introverted nature and social awkwardness.  I’m ok with being alone for the most part.  Times that I’m not?  They usually involve storms, large spiders or lawn care.  I.  Hate.  Lawn.  Work.

I never let being a party of one hamper my style.  I still go out to see the moving picture shows, travel, go out to dinner, shop, and do everything normal people do.  I get occasional looks, but for the most part it’s fine.  I enjoy myself, and go home to a house that is set to just the right temperature for me.

Other times, it gets awkward - mainly due to other people.  Take tonight for example - I buy two tickets to go see a new movie.  I forget to see if any friends want to go see it with me.  No problem, I’ll just go by myself and have a seat open next to me in what will more than likely be a really crowded theater.  This theater has reserved seating, so I paid for two particular seats. I’m golden.  I don’t have to worry about fighting over getting a cupholder.

Just before the movie starts, it happens.  What every person who has ever go anywhere alone absolutely LOATHES beyond all loathing… “Is anyone sitting here?” 

Mutha@#%!^

“I want to sit next to my son” this guy tells me.  The son looks to be at least in his teens or later, so it’s not like daddy needs to watch him.  Again, these are reserved seats, so they apparently bought separate seats.  Maybe his son did it on purpose and I ruined his evening of peace.  I must say, I’m kinda glad I did.  Buy tickets together next time!

Flustered (I mentioned the social awkwardness earlier, right?), I tell he guy “Well, technically, it’s mine, but go ahead and sit there.”  I’m only half an ass and I try to keep it on the inside, most times.

The guy just looks at me and says “Did someone not show up?”  Great, now Mr "I have to babysit my adult son in a rated R movie" thinks I’m some sad woman who’s been stood up.  “Can you get a refund?”  /facepalm.  “Seriously, if you don’t use it can you get a refund?” 

Can someone PLEASE stop this conversation before I stab him with my ICEE straw.  It’s a Wild Cherry ICEE, so no one would notice the blood, right?

Finally, I convince him it’s fine (btw - how did it turn into convincing him to take my damn seat?  What. The. Hell????) and he sits down and the movie starts.  I’m now sitting with people on BOTH sides of me.  And, of course, both people have very long arms with elbows flying out like albatrosses.  For you tall people reading this, I realize things aren’t easy for you.  But, just because I’m short doesn’t mean I enjoy getting elbowed CONSTANTLY (unless you happen to be cute - momma can work with that).

Luckily, it was a great movie that I enjoyed and eventually stopped stressing.  I just wish solo folks would get more consideration than we do around town.

Here are a few examples of what it's like running solo:

Seating - as described above in the movie scenario.  Also, in pew-like seats, I’ve found that if you are alone, you get squeezed more.  If you are a family with kids, people don’t sit next to you.  Oh, and some families tend to take up a lot of space in pews.  You know who you are, and now you know I see you and the fact you take up space for 8 with your party of four.  Gluttony is a sin.

Restaurants - You run into that awkward moment when you need to use the restroom and you aren't sure how your wait-person will take it.  Will they think I dined and dashed?  Will they clear my table and sit someone there while I’m gone?  It’s worse in the late spring through early fall because you don’t have a jacket to leave behind indicating you haven’t actually “left”.

Traveling - If you travel with someone, at least one of you has a window or aisle seat and you can invade or lean in to each other's space.  What I HATE is when I’m sitting next to couples or families that think they can invade my space just as much as they can invade their partner's.  Lady - back the hell up, because we are about ready to have a 2 hour delay and a visit from an air marshal.

Once you land at the airport, you have to take all your carry-on luggage with you when you go to the restroom.  If you are coming back from a long trip overseas, you have a LOT of crap to deal with..in a bathroom stall with about 30 other women trying to get in and out to catch their next flight.  And, to spice things up, everyone is MAD about something.  I won’t start on the food court situation.

Random Do-gooders - They see someone alone, and feel sorry for them, so they incessantly talk to them so they don't feel so alone. Listen, I appreciate it, but I had headphones in for a reason.  I don't have a high smalltalk skill (I typically roll a 1 when faced with this type of encounter), and it usually makes me feel even worse if no one had spoken to me for the rest of my life.

I could go on, but I’m tired of being passive aggressive about this whole seat situation.  Writing this has worked it’s magic and now I am back in my happy place.

Just do me a favor next time you see someone solo - give them some space.