The Giving Tree (by Shel Silverstein) would make me cry when I was younger. The tree was such a heartbreaking tale to me, but I could never quite put my finger on why it affected me so much. Silverstein was writing a story about the Joy that comes from selfless love. Why did it make me sad? When I really started to think about the story as an adult, I started to understand my underlying feelings. That sadness turned to anger.
I know, a kids book? Anger? Really?
Let me explain.
Now, interpretations of the story have the tree as a mother or friend. I'd argue that there could also be a romantic relationship interpretation. The following can apply in any of the interpretations.
The boy uses the tree. She wants him with her, so she does everything she can to make him happy. At first, it's apples. Then, leaves and branches. Finally, she gets chopped down leaving her nothing but a stump. She gave up her essential self as a tree for someone else. Someone else who didn't seem concerned by the loss of who she was, as long as he got what he wanted.
He never said thank you. He never said he loved her. He left her to pursue other women. He hallowed her out, depriving anyone else of enjoying what she had to offer. When all she has left is a stump, what does he do? He sits on her. He <edited for coarseness> her! And, she was HAPPY?
This is exactly what is wrong with our society. We glamorize the wrong kinds of sacrifices and set up the wrong examples of healthy relationships.
We tell little girls that this is what you do in a relationship. Give until there's nothing left and be happy about it. Put your happiness in someone else besides yourself. Follow someone else's purpose for you, not the purpose God has laid out for you.
I do believe that sacrifices are essential parts to living a disciplined, purposeful life. Those sacrifices, however, need to be the right kind. The kind that help mold you into a better version of yourself and purpose (some might interpret this more as passion, either works).
You sacrifice partying to get through school. You sacrifice money to spend more quality time with family. You sacrifice your time taking care of a loved one. You sacrifice popularity, opportunities, and friendships to do what's right.
There's nothing wrong with sacrifice, as long as it isn't a sacrifice of your core self.
The Giving Tree compromised her essential self by giving everything she had away in order to be happy with just that one boy. She went from healthy, fruit bearing tree to lifeless stump.
Who considers this healthy life choice?
This is why I get so angry with this book. People read it to their impressionable children as a "good" story. It isn't. Not even close. I would not want any child of mine to think this is acceptable behavior out of their friends or romantic partners. Pick people who help you grow, not those who cut you down and strip you bare.
No healthy relationship should require you to sacrifice who you are or your essential purpose in life. If you find this difficult to understand - I have better things to do and they don't include you.
If I were to rewrite this book? I'd call it The Not Giving-a-@#% Tree.
- Want to have some of my apples? Fine, don't be greedy and leave some for others.
- Want to swing in my branches? Fine, just play nice with others.
- Want to build a house? Fine, build it out of that heifer you are running off with.
- Want a place to sit down? Fine, you can bring a chair or sit your behind down on the grass.
- Want me to be anything else other than a tree? I don't give a @#%, I'm a tree. Deal with it.
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