Dear California,

I see you’ve made a decision not to join us for Derby next year, use our convention facilities, or drink our bourbon.  Shame, we will miss you, your wines, movies, Disneyland and Kardashians.  But, ultimately, I understand you feel you need to take a stand against other states who you feel aren’t upholding your views on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  And, I understand that sometimes it isn’t worth waiting for Supreme Court rulings to take care of things, like it did DOMA.

I mean, why wait for due process, when you can use your economic power against smaller states for the good of all the US, right?

THANK YOU for being the proactive, progressive state looking out for those of us who don’t know better.

Without you, I’m not sure how KY will ever recover from such a horrific law as allowing school groups to set membership requirements.  I mean, seriously, removing Jesus from a “Charlie Brown Christmas” program didn’t require such a heavy handed response from Commonwealth leadership.  I mean, it’s not like Christmas has anything to do with Jesus anyways, am I right?  So, why did people get all weird about it and pass such asinine legislation to protect school programs?? #XChristFromChristmas

But, let's be honest, we’re pretty inept here.  I mean, before you spoke up, I hadn’t heard much, if anything on my social media feeds about Senate Bill 17.  It took courage from someone like you to set my Twitter feed ablaze with the fire of righteousness.  Again, thank you.  

You have shown us the light and, apparently, our own laws.  You have given us courage to speak our minds and hearts and to rise up against the injustice that may, or may not, happen in our schools.  We know we aren’t alone here in KY.  We no longer fear the likes of Bevin and McConnell…. All because of YOU.  #slowclap #wipestears

I can’t wait until the next gubernatorial election knowing that you are on our side.  Bevin’s going to be beaten so badly.  I mean, how is he going to recover from this?  If only he’d thrown himself upon your mercy as Mayor Greg Fischer and Mayor Jim Gray did, he may have had a chance.  Now what’s he going base his campaign on?  Standing up to other government entities who would see themselves as the overlords of our small, but precious state?

I can’t wait to see the laughter and sneers from across the Bluegrass as they hear his sure-to-be slogan: “While Kentucky liberals kowtowed to coastal left-wing agendas, Matt Bevin stood up for Kentucky.  Matt Bevin stood up for you.”

What a sad attempt at a campaign slogan, am I right?  I mean, who would fall for that claptrap?  Yeah, this won’t fly at all.  I’m sure all the Democrats will have to do is sit back and let him implode like he did last election.  Errr.. I mean, sit back and watch how Trump imploded… err.. hrrmmm.. wait…Uhhh. Moving on….

Again, I want to to thank the great state of California for being our moral compass and using their stature as the largest state in domestic product, highest number of electoral votes, largest number of House Representatives to push the small, less enlightened states around.  We need are so desperately in need of your leadership and guidance.

I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.  What will be your next crusade?  Medicinal Marijuana?  Free abortions for all, even for men - because, you know.. equal rights?  Expanded gun laws?  Giving voting rights back to felons - wait, we’ve already done that.  

I’m so excited I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks, California!  You are the Real MVP.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S.  To be on safe side, you may want to start stocking up on yarn now.  I have a bad feeling we may need more hats through 2024.

*random edits*

Weird

I work in an industry with a bunch of engineers and programmers.  As a result, I’m already a small demographic.  Even amongst my demographic, I seem to be an even smaller subset.  It's like I'm a unicorn, but the weird goat-like European type.

Sitting in a work event next to another female, I found myself struggling to make small talk and ended up acting like I was reading email on my laptop.  Then another woman walks up, and bam, they are chatting up a storm about kids, pregnancies, schools, pets, and menstrual cycles (no, not really.. I made that last part up...).

I had been, before being interrupted by the loudness of their conversation, contemplating whether to go ahead and buy a Nintendo Switch or simply wait until Christmas.  I really want to play Breath of the Wild.  Maybe I should wait and get the new XBox with 4K video instead.  OR... should I stop with the Xbox fandom and move to a Playstation?  I already pre-purchased Destiny 2 for access to the Beta, so I’ll need to keep the Xbox around a while longer.  Maybe I should just go with the original plan and get the Switch to replace my broken Wii.  I skipped the WiiU, so should be justifiable….

Sorry, I’m getting off topic, but you get the gist of it.  I don’t seem to be wired like most people I meet.

Now, nothing is wrong with discussing baby-care and cats.  Each are perfectly natural things - I just have nothing to add to the conversation.  I did almost buy some pet grass today at the grocery store, but wasn’t sure I was ready for the commitment.

I’ve always realized I'm a bit different, I just didn’t consciously realize the extent until these past two weeks.

A few days ago, I reviewed the result of an old personality test I took:  “women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population…”

Wow.  Ok.. so .8%.  And to top it off it furthers goes on to state: “…explains why many fictional villains (and misunderstood heroes) are modeled on this personality type.”  /facepalm. This explains sooo much.

Fast forward a few days, and I review my Gallup Strengths Finder results with my manager as a part of my yearly performance review.  His response? “You know, I’ve done this with lots of groups, this is the first I’ve seen of one like this.”  Yeeeeaah.

Again, most times this isn’t a big issue.  I’m cool with the solitary life, but it’s hard when you have to interact with humanity, when things just don’t come that naturally to you, or you lack sufficient common ground.  You either come off like a complete bitch, or creepy.  Sometimes both, but only on very rare and special occasions - like first dates.

Heck, even my astrology is weird - I’m a double Aquarian who is cold, rigid and ruled by (of all things...) Uranus.  I didn’t make this stuff up.  Someone else did.  *rimshot*   Thank you! I’m here all night.

Weirdly enough, I'm ok with being a little weird.  Weird is what makes life interesting.  It's what spawns grand adventures and epic sagas.  Life's all about being an awesome #@%@#^ prancin' unicorn.

I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with the Month of June, but that isn’t what this is about

June is great month.  The weather improves. Kids get out of school, making morning commutes easier.  Patios, Balconies and backyards become places of mass merriment and BBQ.  There’s a lot to like this month.

The downside of June is that it has Father’s Day, my Dad’s birthday, and not too far into July, the anniversary of my father’s passing from cancer.  These past few years it’s been an adjustment to not think about gifts and menus.

There’s nothing special about it, most people go through the same process when they lose their parents.  I’m no different than the next person, or the person after them.  The only reason I’m bringing this up, is to give emotional context to what I’m about to say.

I’d really like to ‘hit’ on a recent topic here in Kentucky: How “legal” are our laws against marijuana.  You can read up on a recently filed lawsuit in this Herald Leader article.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve never been into the stoner scene - even in college.  It’s just not my thing - mainly because I’m fully capable of making an ass out of myself completely sober.  I’ve demonstrated this on numerous occasions - none of which I will outline here.  And, I was basically on the non-legalization bandwagon myself a few years ago - until my Dad got sick.

If you’ve not experienced it, or are not currently experiencing it, I can’t begin to tell you how gut-wrenching it is to watch someone you love deteriorate and waste away before your eyes. The only way I can try to explain it is to imagine yourself being dumped into a pool of water without knowing which way is the surface. You can’t breathe, you know you are drowning, and you don’t know which way is up.

After this experience, I can’t help to question why medicinal marijuana is so bad?  Is it bad to use a possibly organic drug to help ease pain without making someone nauseous?  How about a drug that makes them WANT to eat?  I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had with people about sick loved ones that just won’t or can’t eat.  The body looks for other ways to nourish itself, so it starts breaking itself down, which further weakens the patient and starts the downward slide.

I hear the argument of “gateway drug” used often, but aren’t opioids gateway drugs for heroin?  I hear arguments about the effects of marijuana on undeveloped brains - are opioids any different (I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking)?  Alcohol affects developing brains, we just put an age limit on it.    (Side note:  just with some quick googling on alcohol vs marijuana affecting the teenage brain, I came across this study).

Think about it.  What if medicinal marijuana were legal?  

• How much more affordable could health costs be if people could grow their own medicine?
• How much of an economic impact could it be to the Bluegrass, if this were an industry?
• How less of an ecological impact would growing marijuana be vs mining coal?

I’m not saying go all in, carte blanche, doobie-doobie-doo on the issue.  I’m just thinking we can get some real tangible benefits if we were to legalize marijuana for medicinal use.

Why not let them eat space cake?  

btw - this wikipedia post has the funniest unintentionally funny statement I've seen in a while:

"Hash brownies" redirects here. It is not to be confused with hash browns

Yeah, if you confuse these two, you might just have a bad time...

Kathy Griffin - What’s wrong with America wrapped up in one shameless publicity stunt

#1 - Why would ANYONE feel it is appropriate to drench a mask in fake blood and stand there as if you are holding a severed head?  Who in their right mind thinks this is a way to get through to someone?  How to make a political statement?  Guess who else does this as a political statement - ISIS (only they use real heads of real people who've they've slaughtered).  Such a total lack of decorum, respect and good taste.  And for what?  Publicity?  Art? 

Art Schmart. This whole thing shows total lack of respect. Trump will go home to NY in four years. We have more appropriate ways of dealing with this division.  We're adults, let's start acting like it.

#2 - Why on earth do Twitter posts with images of bad words get caught by the “inappropriate” filter, when this picture of a women with a faux severed head popped up several times?  Why is this acceptable while the word “ass” isn’t?  Get real, people.  Yes, bad words and boobies aren’t always appropriate, but neither is this level of imagery.  And to be honest?  I find depiction of violence much more inappropriate than nudity and foul language.  

Why?  Violence is about hurting people.  It's about inflicting pain. No one should be desensitized to the suffering of others.  The more we see it on TV, movies, and social media, the more our emotional response gets dampened.  The more it's used, even in art, the less power it has.

#3 - Making a threat on an acting president (or ex-president) is a FELONY.  That’s spelled F-E-L-O-U-Gonna-B-N-Jail.  How is this not a threat?  How is she not being charged?  If this had been done by a Muslim-American, an African-American, or an Immigrant on a VISA - I’d bet dollars to biscuits they’d be in a small locked room with some very large Secret Service agents have a nice little chat.  Why isn’t the same happening here?  

Why?  Because she’s white?  She’s female?  She’s a ginger? She's rich? Tell me that people aren’t treated differently, and I’ll put you on my “not to be taken seriously" list.

#4 - People think Caucasian women are harmless.  I got news for you folks, white women are just as crazy.  We made Yoga pants and lattes happen.  SWF and Fatal Attraction was about us.  We have Kate Gosselin. We have Mary Kay Letourneau, Casey Anthony, and Madonna.  Ever heard the Dixie Chicks’ song Good Bye Earl (or any country music song written by a woman, sans Faith Hill)?  Hell, three of us Caucasians married Trump.  I think I rest my case.

Want to experience what I’m talking about first hand?  Head back to my neck of the woods and interrupt a woman from her Marlboro break while you tell her that her man has been cheating.  Sit back and watch her be "harmless."

Stop treating us as like we’re background decoration. We aren’t. We're human just like the rest of you and have just the same amount of potential. We are fully capable human beings - some of us make good choices, some of us not so good. 

Don't be fooled by the toy dog in our purse.

/micdrop

*Edited for poor grammar*

We’re all Jon Snow

We know nothing, so we should stop acting like we do.  Yes, I’m talking about you, I’m talking about me, I’m talking about everyone.

I’ve been listening to season 1 of Revisionist History, by Malcolm Gladwell.  Just finished the episodes “Carlos doesn’t remember”, “Food Fight” and “My Little Hundred Million”.  What stood out to me, is how little I understand any of these folks.  I wasn’t a foster kid in an extremely dangerous inner city school, I’m not a rich philanthropist (yet *looks at lottery ticket*), and I’m not an educator.  Each of them face very different problems than what I do on a day to day basis.

As someone with an engineering background, my whole life is about solving problems.  My initial response is to jump in and start working on solutions.  I’m sure many of you have that same trait.  It isn’t a bad thing, but let me throw something in here - problems are complex, especially when dealing with human beings. Socio-economic issues are ever-shifting globs of goo.  They are slippery and sometimes extremely hard to grasp.

When I approach problems, I’m typically approaching it with 1st order information.  That straight forward directly linked information and data.  Issue X affects Y# of people, for Z reasons.  Even if it takes a while to crunch through the data, it’s still straight forward.  But that data isn’t enough, and solutions built as a result aren’t enough either.  This is why it’s important in engineering, or any other development or service role, is to both listen and observe.

Quick story:  Went to my stylist a few weeks ago for a cut/color.  He asked if it would be ok to let one of his understudies (? I’m not sure what they are called.. interns? *shoulder shrug*) to give me a consultation while he watched to give her the experience.  The whole point of the exercise?  Spend time really digging down into what I wanted, what I needed, and to make sure expectations were met.  That first order data point of “I want red” wasn’t enough.  Use examples, build on a common connection point.  Bring over the color swatches to review.  Be concrete to help make the best decision.  Bring your experience and expertise into the discussion to help build a better solution, but make sure it's something that works for the client.

He hit on a very key point.  Can you really solve a problem if you don’t understand those intangible bits of information?  Those non-direct or obvious nuggets of context and understanding?  Knowing and understanding what “red” means to me, is key.  If she went with what she thought of as “red”, I’d probably be in a corner somewhere crying in a fetal position.  You can't talk or describe colors with someone and expect to be on the same page.  You need common experience, you need real concrete examples to connect the internal brain images.

Can you come up with solutions to help impoverished kids do well in school if you've never been "lunch shamed" (or even know what I'm talking about)?

When I look around, I see people problem solving with no idea of what it’s like to survive or be victimized by the problems they are solving.  Men working on women’s policies, rich people discussing lack of insurance, private school parents trying to fix public schools, white people trying to explain racism, young people deciding where old people live, old people complaining that young people need to get a job (and off their lawn), and hippies trying to tell people how to run their businesses.

No wonder things are the way they are right now.  Too many people, with good intentions I’m sure, are developing solutions for problems they’ve never faced in places they’ve never been (or have long since forgotten).  The most egregious is rich people trying to solve poor people's problems.  This just leads to policies that aren't sufficient, which continues the cycle of poverty and lack of opportunities, which continues the lack of understanding at levels where policies get made.

We shouldn't assume we know how to fix someone else's problems.  Maybe we should focus on helping them build better solutions.

We need to remember to dig deep, talk to people who know (or better yet, involve them in the discussion), listen, and remember - you know nothing.

** By the way, I recommend the Revisionist History podcast.

Do Introverts Grieve Enough?

A friend on social media posted (or I should say re-posted) an article from last year on the three types of grief people don’t discuss.  I happened to be taking a 5 min mind break at work, and read it.  I wish I had left it to later in the evening.  If I were smarter, I would have realized that from the title alone.

Sitting there, in my cube, reading 3 Kinds of Grief Nobody Talks About, I had a powerful emotional moment.   One of the kinds where you feel like your bones might break from the weight of it.  

“Grief is not always about death, but it is always about attachment and separation.”

Attachment.

Separation.

I’m currently going through the process of selling my home, building a new one, and moving into a temporary place.  My whole life for the next few months will be transitional.  I’ve been looking through closets and cupboards purging things that I won’t be taking with me into this new chapter of my life (or even into the interlude before the next chapter).

Occasionally, a level of unexpected emotionality will just hit me. “Pretty soon, I’ll be out of here…. This will be the last time I do <x> here…” 

And then the big whammy, “When I get to the new house, I won’t have any memories of my dad there”.  Cue the waterworks.  I have to remember to take deep breaths and think about puppies.

I remember having similar feelings when my car died and I had to get a new one.  I cried.  I didn’t cry because of the car, I cried because of the memories it represented.  It was the physical manifestation of those memories.  Losing the Batmobile (yes, I called it that in my head), I lost the ability to see and to touch those memories.  Like the memory of pranking my dad by turning on the seat heater in July without him knowing.  I can still see him shifting uncomfortably in the seat.  I finally couldn't hold my laughter in any longer and let him off the hook.  He laughed and was glad nothing was wrong with his "@$$."

I was attached to the car not because I'm materialistic, because of my memories.

I knew what my dad felt sitting in my car or in my house because I was there with him.  I know because I experience the same environment firsthand.  I know this sounds weird.  I could tell that my boyfriend at the time thought I was being weird.  He was smart enough not to verbalize it, but I could tell nonetheless when I said farewell to the Batmobile.

Moving on to new places and things, there’s no connection.  There’s no attachment.  I’m separating myself from what I knew and the life I have lived to create a new type of life.  I’m cutting one cord, and grabbing on to a new one that not everyone I’ve cared about has experienced. I also have no idea if new attachments will be forged.

I already grieved the loss of my dad, as he passed away a few years ago.  But, I never thought about the anxiety I go through during big changes, like I’m going through right now, as a form of grief. That in making these memory attachments to “things” and “places”, I go through yet another grief cycle when those things are gone too. I hate feeling this way.

If you’ve read any of my other bogs, you have probably figured out I’m quite an introvert.  There are days I just want to wear a sign that says “Can’t people today, #SorryNotSorry.”

What are the main traits of introverts?  We live in our heads, we typically aren’t outgoing people, we tend to have a smaller group of friends, and we like being home.  We like controlling our environment.  We limit our attachments to people.

If we have limited attachments, we have less opportunity for separations.

If we control our environment, we have a larger control over the probability of separation.

If you are an introvert.  You suffer less separation.  But when it happens (at least to me) holy !@$!%!.

“Grief is not always about death, but it is always about attachment and separation.”

Attachment.

Separation.

What if the real reason I’m an introvert, isn’t some random genetic trait?  What if it comes down to one simple thing - the ability, or capacity, to grieve? 

Could I be less socially awkward and introverted, if I simply learned to be more comfortable with the loss of, or change in, relationships?  What if I just need to learn how to be more efficient at the cycle of grief?  Or fear grief less?

Maybe I do need to grieve more, but I sure as hell don't want to....

Symphonic Resonance

I ran across this article, by Mark B. Baer, in Psychology Today that explains the seemingly decoherence of the Left’s reaction to Comey’s tenure and ultimate firing. Essentially, Baer argues that it comes down to context, which is the result of empathy. Empathetic people understand context. Un-empathetic people don’t.

I’m not a big fan of the entire article, as it’s saying anyone who doesn’t understand the left’s reaction to the removal of the FBI director, doesn't understand context and not empathetic. I don’t buy it.

I agree that someone could feel he needed to be fired, and still shocked/worried when it happened. Why? Because this has been going on a for quite a while, and yet when the firing happened, no succession plan was in place. Given current events and probes, this seems rather incompetent and ill-advised. If you are going to make a play, draw it up first and take your team through it.

I also agree that someone could shake their head at someone who calls for a firing, then laments the act when it happens. It comes back to consistency.

Now, the real point of me bringing up this article, is it references this summary (written by Kim Hartman) of the book A Whole New Mind, by Daniel Pink. Yes, I do eventually get to the point. It’s over 10 years old now, but looks to still have some legs.

This book works under the assumption that there are multiple stages in our evolution - efficiency, then facts, and then on to context. And, if your wondering, we’re moving from facts to context at the moment. To be successful, one must go beyond left-brained attitudes focused on micro-attentions on minutia, and move into the realm of right-brained holism. It’s not good enough to just know the things. You need to know why the things.

With the internet, anyone can access any bit of information available within seconds (well, I guess that only goes for about half the world, sadly, as many are still without access, whether due to lack of infrastructure or lack of funds, but that’s a different topic). There’s no value in simply knowing facts anymore. No value in rote memorization.

Quick poll: How many of you, over the age of 30, can recite your parents’ landline phone number? Now, how many of you can recite your best friend’s cellphone number? Or your child’s, or your siblings’, or you boss’s?

There’s no value because everything is at our fingertips - quite literally. So, this idea of moving up to the next layer of intellectual consciousness seems to make sense. What else are we to do with our brains if we no longer need to memorize multiplication tables?

Out of the 6 new “aptitudes” Pink outlines, one stood out to me - “Symphony” (others being design, story, empathy, play and meaning). This was also the section brought out in the aforementioned article. Symphony is the idea of synthesis over analysis. Being someone with an engineering/CompSci background, this piqued my interest. I’ve always believed, at least to this point, that analysis was the end goal and how you synthesized data. I didn't know they were different.

You get your data sets together, you look at them, make a decision and boom - you're off and running. Classic analysis. So, what what is different with "synthesis"? Not quite sure I see the difference just yet. I guess I will have to read the book! Which I will and I will do a classic book report when I'm done!  You.  Are.  Welcome (eventually).

I’m assuming they are essentially two sides of the same coin. Analysis is more passive - you wait to see what the data tells you. Synthesis, however, is active - you take and mold information and data together to create new insights.

Maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless, I absolutely love the terminology used. This visceral idea of a symphonic convergence of information, context and understanding. Looking at the basis of core innovation as a collection of strings, woodwinds, percussion and brass instruments, being conducted into one complete harmonious movement that conveys it’s own deep unique meaning. A group of brass, or percussions alone do provide music, but fail to provide the level of richness that a full symphony does. Singularly focused ideas miss out on some of the nuance and texture that is found when used in a larger context.

Maybe I need to think less singular thoughts and branch out into grand symphonic ideas. Oh, to be such a talented conductor to achieve this very thing!

Maybe I will buy that baton... this symphony thing is resonating with me..