Letting the Light In

I'm tired this week.  Tired of everything and everyone.  I realize I'm being a big baby, but it doesn't change the fact I've reached a point of personal fatigue.  I could go on about the Boy Scouts, healthcare, Transgender bans, Russian spies, national voter registries, and the loss of Spicey on SNL - but I just can't muster any energy to do so this week.  I just don't want to do it.

So, in leiu of actually doing something productive, I decided to pick up this physical book thingy (which almost weighs as much as my tablet, and doesn't have a quarter of the same functionality *stares incredulously at the lazy book laying there doing nothing*).

Violence Unvieled by Gil Bailie ended up on my reading list due to a few recommendations from my small discipleship group.  Again, I had to buy it in paperback, which is fitting considering the topic concerns the brutality of society and the need for sacrifices with which to appease the masses and bring peace.

I wasn't necessarily looking forward to reading it.  Not because of the topic, I just don't like dealing with physical books.  But, I'm tired so might as well go full old school.

I open the book to a page of four quotes - two from the New Testament, one from Yeats, and one from Leonard Cohen.  Yes, Leonard Cohen.

No offense meant to Jesus and Yeats, but it was Cohen's words that floored me:

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in. 

For those of you familiar with Cohen's music, you might remember these lyrics from his song Anthem. I haven't even started reading the book, but I'm already flowing down the river of introspection to the ocean of relief. Yeah, I'm corny like that.

Reading those words - there's so much truth and wisdom - packed in those 4 little lines. 

• Ring the bells that still can ring.  Focus on what I have control over.
• Forget your perfect offering.  Nothing in this world is without fault. Accept it and move on.
• There is a crack in everything. We're all broken. Accept it and move on. 
• That's how the light gets in.  Only by facing the brokenness do we learn how to be better.  And not just generically better, but better in areas that actually matter.

Maybe this cluster of a year (or past few years) is really a blessing.  The hard times have made me really sit down and think about what's important in life.  What's important about me.  Made me evaluate what type of life I really want to have.

Maybe we can realize that the light coming up over the horizon isn't a nuclear mushroom cloud, but an understanding of how we can be better as a society and a country.

Maybe there is reason to be joyful, hopeful and happy during this time of emotionally draining muck in this country.

Maybe we just needed to let the light in.  Apparently, a truckload of extra strength light. 

And, maybe, just maybe...  I might actually read this book.

Why do you need to know this?

I just want to live my life.  I don’t want to talk about things with people when I feel it has absolutely no bearing on anything.  There are things I consider on a “need to know” basis.  Think I’m kidding?  Talk to my mom.  She thinks talking to me is like talking to brick wall that’s been plastered over with concrete and left in a vault at Ft Knox.

For some reason, people feel like they have a right to ask questions.  

An Example: my ear has decided it no longer wants to work appropriately and, as any normal person would do, I went to see the doctor this week at the walk in clinic at work.

I walk in and am handed a clipboard with some pages on it.  “Fill out these pages.”

I start reading through the questions figuring it had to do with past medical history and any meds the doctor should know about.

This is a sampling of what I found across 4 pages.  Yes.  FOUR pages.

• “What’s your level of personal stress?”  Was fine until I got this 4 page survey, of which only 25% dealt with my medical history.
• “What’s your level of stress at your job?” See previous response.
• “Do you have feelings of hopelessness?” I do while filling out this survey.
• “Do you sleep at night?” I may not as I feel my personal privacy has been violated beyond what it needs to be.

Oh, then finally this beauty - 

• “Which response best describes this statement: My partners and I use condoms: [Always], [Occasionally], [in monogamous relationship], or [Not having sex/does not apply]?”

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY EAR?!   What does ANY OF THIS have to do with my ear?

PSA:  If sex has anything to do with your ear YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!! Or, you have some weird fetish thing that I don’t want to know about, but you consider therapy.

On some weird adult level, I get it. People are asking questions to make sure they are looking out for me.  But, I’m a grown ass adult. I’m just here for my ear, not a gynecological exam.

I’m not in pain, I'm not bleeding.  I’m not dizzy, lightheaded, or otherwise think I’m Marie Antoinette (but I do believe in eating cake).

Just stick the lighty-thing in my ear, tell me it's an infection (or some weird wax buildup), and let me know what I need to do to make it better. 

That’s all I need.

It’s all you should need, too.

Dear Fellow Christians

I’m ticked at you too.

I shake my head and pray to God when I see some of your social media posts.  You scream about this being a country built on Christianity.  No, it was a country built on immigrants.  This is a country built on allowing people to believe what they want to believe.  This country was founded on FREEDOM, including religion.  This includes freedoms for agnostics, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Wiccans, and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Just because things aren’t going the “christian way”, doesn’t change that one iota.

Here’s a history lesson for you - “In God We Trust” wasn’t put on our money until 1861.  Theodore Roosevelt tried to remove it in 1907.  TEDDY ROOSEVELT.  Later in the 1950s it was accepted as our national motto.  We went almost 200 years without it.  Two.  Hundred.  Years.  How on God’s Green Earth did we make it that long???

And, to top it off, “Under God” wasn’t added to the pledge until that same timeframe.

So, I have to ask - why are you so concerned about America being a Christian nation anyways?  Is not our treasures outside of this world?  Are we not called to carry the cross that He did?  Are we not called to be persecuted for His sake?

Are we not called to be apart from this world regardless of the consequences?

People have been martyred for our faith - fed to lions, strung up on poles, beheaded, burned at the stake or beaten.  None of which has happened in the US, at least not to heterosexual, caucasian, male, protestant christians.  Some outside that demographic haven’t been so lucky.  So, maybe you should think about that before getting too uppity about not being able to have a “Christmas” party at a school.

In the end, what are you so afraid of anyway?  The unknown?  Loss of your faith?  Children drifting off to join the CoFSM?  

Doesn’t the phrase “Fear not” show up in the Bible about 87 times?  Matthew 10:31 - “Fear Not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.”  

So why are you worrying?  Why are you pushing?  Why are you digging your heels in over a civic government entity? Why create more of a hostile environment for people who are already dealing with a world of hostility?

Yes, I know we are called to conversion and to be His hands and feet. But those hands and feet shouldn't be kicking and slapping people who don’t agree.  We should be the hands and feet that are working the fields, serving the poor and healing the sick.

So stop worrying about something that isn’t of our concern.  America wasn’t founded as a nation “under God” - this is a nation founded against tyranny.

Don’t undo that by making Him a Tyrant.

Dear California,

I see you’ve made a decision not to join us for Derby next year, use our convention facilities, or drink our bourbon.  Shame, we will miss you, your wines, movies, Disneyland and Kardashians.  But, ultimately, I understand you feel you need to take a stand against other states who you feel aren’t upholding your views on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  And, I understand that sometimes it isn’t worth waiting for Supreme Court rulings to take care of things, like it did DOMA.

I mean, why wait for due process, when you can use your economic power against smaller states for the good of all the US, right?

THANK YOU for being the proactive, progressive state looking out for those of us who don’t know better.

Without you, I’m not sure how KY will ever recover from such a horrific law as allowing school groups to set membership requirements.  I mean, seriously, removing Jesus from a “Charlie Brown Christmas” program didn’t require such a heavy handed response from Commonwealth leadership.  I mean, it’s not like Christmas has anything to do with Jesus anyways, am I right?  So, why did people get all weird about it and pass such asinine legislation to protect school programs?? #XChristFromChristmas

But, let's be honest, we’re pretty inept here.  I mean, before you spoke up, I hadn’t heard much, if anything on my social media feeds about Senate Bill 17.  It took courage from someone like you to set my Twitter feed ablaze with the fire of righteousness.  Again, thank you.  

You have shown us the light and, apparently, our own laws.  You have given us courage to speak our minds and hearts and to rise up against the injustice that may, or may not, happen in our schools.  We know we aren’t alone here in KY.  We no longer fear the likes of Bevin and McConnell…. All because of YOU.  #slowclap #wipestears

I can’t wait until the next gubernatorial election knowing that you are on our side.  Bevin’s going to be beaten so badly.  I mean, how is he going to recover from this?  If only he’d thrown himself upon your mercy as Mayor Greg Fischer and Mayor Jim Gray did, he may have had a chance.  Now what’s he going base his campaign on?  Standing up to other government entities who would see themselves as the overlords of our small, but precious state?

I can’t wait to see the laughter and sneers from across the Bluegrass as they hear his sure-to-be slogan: “While Kentucky liberals kowtowed to coastal left-wing agendas, Matt Bevin stood up for Kentucky.  Matt Bevin stood up for you.”

What a sad attempt at a campaign slogan, am I right?  I mean, who would fall for that claptrap?  Yeah, this won’t fly at all.  I’m sure all the Democrats will have to do is sit back and let him implode like he did last election.  Errr.. I mean, sit back and watch how Trump imploded… err.. hrrmmm.. wait…Uhhh. Moving on….

Again, I want to to thank the great state of California for being our moral compass and using their stature as the largest state in domestic product, highest number of electoral votes, largest number of House Representatives to push the small, less enlightened states around.  We need are so desperately in need of your leadership and guidance.

I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.  What will be your next crusade?  Medicinal Marijuana?  Free abortions for all, even for men - because, you know.. equal rights?  Expanded gun laws?  Giving voting rights back to felons - wait, we’ve already done that.  

I’m so excited I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks, California!  You are the Real MVP.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S.  To be on safe side, you may want to start stocking up on yarn now.  I have a bad feeling we may need more hats through 2024.

*random edits*

Weird

I work in an industry with a bunch of engineers and programmers.  As a result, I’m already a small demographic.  Even amongst my demographic, I seem to be an even smaller subset.  It's like I'm a unicorn, but the weird goat-like European type.

Sitting in a work event next to another female, I found myself struggling to make small talk and ended up acting like I was reading email on my laptop.  Then another woman walks up, and bam, they are chatting up a storm about kids, pregnancies, schools, pets, and menstrual cycles (no, not really.. I made that last part up...).

I had been, before being interrupted by the loudness of their conversation, contemplating whether to go ahead and buy a Nintendo Switch or simply wait until Christmas.  I really want to play Breath of the Wild.  Maybe I should wait and get the new XBox with 4K video instead.  OR... should I stop with the Xbox fandom and move to a Playstation?  I already pre-purchased Destiny 2 for access to the Beta, so I’ll need to keep the Xbox around a while longer.  Maybe I should just go with the original plan and get the Switch to replace my broken Wii.  I skipped the WiiU, so should be justifiable….

Sorry, I’m getting off topic, but you get the gist of it.  I don’t seem to be wired like most people I meet.

Now, nothing is wrong with discussing baby-care and cats.  Each are perfectly natural things - I just have nothing to add to the conversation.  I did almost buy some pet grass today at the grocery store, but wasn’t sure I was ready for the commitment.

I’ve always realized I'm a bit different, I just didn’t consciously realize the extent until these past two weeks.

A few days ago, I reviewed the result of an old personality test I took:  “women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population…”

Wow.  Ok.. so .8%.  And to top it off it furthers goes on to state: “…explains why many fictional villains (and misunderstood heroes) are modeled on this personality type.”  /facepalm. This explains sooo much.

Fast forward a few days, and I review my Gallup Strengths Finder results with my manager as a part of my yearly performance review.  His response? “You know, I’ve done this with lots of groups, this is the first I’ve seen of one like this.”  Yeeeeaah.

Again, most times this isn’t a big issue.  I’m cool with the solitary life, but it’s hard when you have to interact with humanity, when things just don’t come that naturally to you, or you lack sufficient common ground.  You either come off like a complete bitch, or creepy.  Sometimes both, but only on very rare and special occasions - like first dates.

Heck, even my astrology is weird - I’m a double Aquarian who is cold, rigid and ruled by (of all things...) Uranus.  I didn’t make this stuff up.  Someone else did.  *rimshot*   Thank you! I’m here all night.

Weirdly enough, I'm ok with being a little weird.  Weird is what makes life interesting.  It's what spawns grand adventures and epic sagas.  Life's all about being an awesome #@%@#^ prancin' unicorn.

I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with the Month of June, but that isn’t what this is about

June is great month.  The weather improves. Kids get out of school, making morning commutes easier.  Patios, Balconies and backyards become places of mass merriment and BBQ.  There’s a lot to like this month.

The downside of June is that it has Father’s Day, my Dad’s birthday, and not too far into July, the anniversary of my father’s passing from cancer.  These past few years it’s been an adjustment to not think about gifts and menus.

There’s nothing special about it, most people go through the same process when they lose their parents.  I’m no different than the next person, or the person after them.  The only reason I’m bringing this up, is to give emotional context to what I’m about to say.

I’d really like to ‘hit’ on a recent topic here in Kentucky: How “legal” are our laws against marijuana.  You can read up on a recently filed lawsuit in this Herald Leader article.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve never been into the stoner scene - even in college.  It’s just not my thing - mainly because I’m fully capable of making an ass out of myself completely sober.  I’ve demonstrated this on numerous occasions - none of which I will outline here.  And, I was basically on the non-legalization bandwagon myself a few years ago - until my Dad got sick.

If you’ve not experienced it, or are not currently experiencing it, I can’t begin to tell you how gut-wrenching it is to watch someone you love deteriorate and waste away before your eyes. The only way I can try to explain it is to imagine yourself being dumped into a pool of water without knowing which way is the surface. You can’t breathe, you know you are drowning, and you don’t know which way is up.

After this experience, I can’t help to question why medicinal marijuana is so bad?  Is it bad to use a possibly organic drug to help ease pain without making someone nauseous?  How about a drug that makes them WANT to eat?  I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had with people about sick loved ones that just won’t or can’t eat.  The body looks for other ways to nourish itself, so it starts breaking itself down, which further weakens the patient and starts the downward slide.

I hear the argument of “gateway drug” used often, but aren’t opioids gateway drugs for heroin?  I hear arguments about the effects of marijuana on undeveloped brains - are opioids any different (I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking)?  Alcohol affects developing brains, we just put an age limit on it.    (Side note:  just with some quick googling on alcohol vs marijuana affecting the teenage brain, I came across this study).

Think about it.  What if medicinal marijuana were legal?  

• How much more affordable could health costs be if people could grow their own medicine?
• How much of an economic impact could it be to the Bluegrass, if this were an industry?
• How less of an ecological impact would growing marijuana be vs mining coal?

I’m not saying go all in, carte blanche, doobie-doobie-doo on the issue.  I’m just thinking we can get some real tangible benefits if we were to legalize marijuana for medicinal use.

Why not let them eat space cake?  

btw - this wikipedia post has the funniest unintentionally funny statement I've seen in a while:

"Hash brownies" redirects here. It is not to be confused with hash browns

Yeah, if you confuse these two, you might just have a bad time...

Kathy Griffin - What’s wrong with America wrapped up in one shameless publicity stunt

#1 - Why would ANYONE feel it is appropriate to drench a mask in fake blood and stand there as if you are holding a severed head?  Who in their right mind thinks this is a way to get through to someone?  How to make a political statement?  Guess who else does this as a political statement - ISIS (only they use real heads of real people who've they've slaughtered).  Such a total lack of decorum, respect and good taste.  And for what?  Publicity?  Art? 

Art Schmart. This whole thing shows total lack of respect. Trump will go home to NY in four years. We have more appropriate ways of dealing with this division.  We're adults, let's start acting like it.

#2 - Why on earth do Twitter posts with images of bad words get caught by the “inappropriate” filter, when this picture of a women with a faux severed head popped up several times?  Why is this acceptable while the word “ass” isn’t?  Get real, people.  Yes, bad words and boobies aren’t always appropriate, but neither is this level of imagery.  And to be honest?  I find depiction of violence much more inappropriate than nudity and foul language.  

Why?  Violence is about hurting people.  It's about inflicting pain. No one should be desensitized to the suffering of others.  The more we see it on TV, movies, and social media, the more our emotional response gets dampened.  The more it's used, even in art, the less power it has.

#3 - Making a threat on an acting president (or ex-president) is a FELONY.  That’s spelled F-E-L-O-U-Gonna-B-N-Jail.  How is this not a threat?  How is she not being charged?  If this had been done by a Muslim-American, an African-American, or an Immigrant on a VISA - I’d bet dollars to biscuits they’d be in a small locked room with some very large Secret Service agents have a nice little chat.  Why isn’t the same happening here?  

Why?  Because she’s white?  She’s female?  She’s a ginger? She's rich? Tell me that people aren’t treated differently, and I’ll put you on my “not to be taken seriously" list.

#4 - People think Caucasian women are harmless.  I got news for you folks, white women are just as crazy.  We made Yoga pants and lattes happen.  SWF and Fatal Attraction was about us.  We have Kate Gosselin. We have Mary Kay Letourneau, Casey Anthony, and Madonna.  Ever heard the Dixie Chicks’ song Good Bye Earl (or any country music song written by a woman, sans Faith Hill)?  Hell, three of us Caucasians married Trump.  I think I rest my case.

Want to experience what I’m talking about first hand?  Head back to my neck of the woods and interrupt a woman from her Marlboro break while you tell her that her man has been cheating.  Sit back and watch her be "harmless."

Stop treating us as like we’re background decoration. We aren’t. We're human just like the rest of you and have just the same amount of potential. We are fully capable human beings - some of us make good choices, some of us not so good. 

Don't be fooled by the toy dog in our purse.

/micdrop

*Edited for poor grammar*