Uncivil disobedience

I had my first experience with the absolute $%^&-show known as the Rep Andy Barr Town Hall this week.

I can't detail everything that happened, as I could not hear everything.  Why, you might ask?  Well, I'll tell you why.  75% of the audience decided it would be more effective to yell and scream at him.  Barr decided to use Powerpoint slides with too much text on them so I couldn't read anything either.

The whole experience made me sad.  The saddest part was when I looked over at a couple of ladies who were yelling earlier to see them look at each other and giggle between outbursts.

Really?  This is funny to you?  You are finding it entertaining to just yell randomly from the back row?

I wasn't the only one who felt this way. A lady next to me said, "I've never experienced something like this before" and commented on how uncomfortable she was being in the middle.  I had to agree.  I was worried a fight would break out.  I left 30 mins early.  I was disappointed because I had adjusted my schedule that evening to go and participate.

Listen, I'm not on board with the Republican agenda either.  I think walls are counter-productive.  I think the middle class needs to be taxed less.  I don't believe the right thing at the moment is to completely repeal the ACA.  Leave NAFTA alone, let low paying jobs go and focus attention on training people for better paying jobs in more innovative industries.  I don't believe removing EPA regulations will improve anything, certainly not our health. I don't believe the school vouchers will fix our school systems, it just allows a larger percentage of kids escape them, leaving the most vulnerable kids to stay in the cycle of poverty.

I don't believe either party has the right answers either.  Both have parts to the greater whole.

We need to be able to challenge to create a sociologically, economically, and ecologically sustainable world.  Neither party is capable of this on its own. You might scoff at that, but diversity of thought is a good thing.

Both ends of the spectrum are necessary.  It's in those extremes where the new crazy ideas come from, and, occasionally, those ideas have merit.  Those ideas force a change in dynamic of the conversation and a re-evaluation of previously held truths.  This a good thing, but it can't be one sided.  With every crazy idea comes high risks.  Risks that need to be weighed against the gains.  You need the naysayers to pick things apart and shed light on areas that require improvement. This is a tough process, but it is necessary.  There are no better naysayers than those who are diametrically opposed to you cognitively.

This is ok.

This is healthy.

What's not ok is being completely unwilling to listen.

Until we come to terms with the fact we need each other and our differing views, our society will continue on a path towards its eventual downfall (either through a broken economy, ecological disaster, terrorism, war or full-on self implosion).

Any unchecked ideology will lead to our destruction.

So what can we do?

We can start by being more civil towards one another.  This involves being clear, concise, and authentic with our message and constructive in our criticisms.  I heard none of this Monday night.  I saw chaos between an angry mob and a lone carnival barker.  It was anything but civil.

_________

I will leave you with my recommended agenda changes for the next town hall:

6-6:30PM:  Piñata (in the shape of Trump, Barr or even McConnell). Works out the aggression
6:30-6:31:  Washington Update
6:31-7:00:  Heavy Metal Karaoke.  Allows people legitimate reasons to scream indoors
7:00-7:01:  Q&A
7:01-7:30:  Round of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" because the lines are made up and the points don't matter.

You do not deserve forgiveness

I surprise myself sometimes and not always in a good way.

As most of you, I’ve had situations popup where I was either disappointed, saddened, or downright enraged at people and their actions.  Most times, I get over it pretty quickly.  I thought I've become better at it as I’ve gotten older.

Over the course of my life, I learned to accept people for who they are and what they are willing to give.  I can’t change them.  I can’t make them live their life “right” anymore than I can make the sun rise in the west.  I can’t be angry with someone when I know they have problems with the truth.  I can’t be angry when I know they have low self-esteem and act out.  I can, however, adjust my interactions and place boundaries on our relationship.  

I thought I was so smart.  Jesus had a plan for me I didn’t see coming.

I’ve come across a few situations where forgiveness takes longer.  'Longer' as in watching ice freeze in July.  I thought I was so good at this forgiveness thing.  What gives?  In these cases, I found a common thread.

One thing I really have a problem with is lying. I can be friends with anyone.  If you are a Liar McLieFace, at least be honest about the fact you have trouble with the truth.  I will respect you more, I will adjust my own interactions accordingly, and we can move on with life knowing who we are and how we operate.  We won’t be besties, but we won’t be enemies.  No one gets hurt.

If you lie to me about being an honest person, and are so good at it, in fact, that I don’t see it coming until too late…. Just No.  

That odd smell?  That's my new parfum Eau De Bridges Bin Burnt.

When this happens, I get the type of angry where my heart doesn’t want to forgive, especially when I have let you in to my life and made you apart of it.  My brain can make my mouth form the words, but my heart is still giving you the emotional middle finger.  

I'm angry, but why does it take so long to just let it go?

Mowing the lawn, of all things, is when the epiphany hit me.  I finally started to understand the reason.  I can’t let go and forgive you because deep down, I don’t believe you deserve to be forgiven.

Wow, that realization hit me with a ton of bricks.  Little miss goes to Church every week doesn’t think someone is worthy of forgiveness.  Yikes.  Someone grab the holy water and an IV, I'm suffering from spiritual dehydration.

Given it's Easter season (and Divine Mercy), I should take to heart that Jesus died and was resurrected for all people, including the Liar McLieFaces of the world.  Especially, Liar McLieFaces...  I should, but it isn't so easy.  After some introspection, I realized how much this reluctance came back to my own ego.  

I don't like being played for a fool.  I don't like being an idiot.  I got played, therefore you win.  You can't just beat me and walk away unscathed.  I deserve apologies.  I deserve suitable restitution for damages (emotional or otherwise).

Forgiveness is the last move I have in a game I know I've lost. It's the acceptance of the imminent checkmate in this entire emotional chess game.  I don't want to knock down that King and admit I'm a loser.

My forgiveness is the last trophy awarded for your poor behavior.

Screw That.

Whoa, what?  Where did that come from? Talk about unresolved issues.

I've heard "Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for yourself," but never fully internalized it.  Intellectually, yes.  Emotionally, not so much, but I'm starting to get it.

The thing about the Liar McLifeFaces (or Cheater McCheatFaces or whatever X McXFaces) in my life is that they lie/cheat so much, they get really good at moving on. They are capable of letting go because their tendencies force them to become good at it. One lie doesn't work out?  Move on to the next.  People not buying it?  Move on to the next set of people. Stop, drop and roll on to the next mark.

I don't operate this way, it isn't as easy. I don't always know how to just let go of things and move on. I hold on to the truth that I thought I knew.  I become bewildered when the puzzle pieces no longer seem to fit.  I feel stupid because I never saw it coming (or I did and I ignored it, thinking I am paranoid). I feel diminished because no one would treat someone who's "worth it" that way.

I become chained to the hurt and have no idea how to free myself.

Is forgiveness the key to freedom?  Is it the map that leads you out of the darkness of self-doubt and loathing?  Is it the high speed train from Loserville to Kickasston?  Is it the start to the next chess match, one I will hopefully win?  Maybe.

Maybe it isn't about you at all.  Maybe I'm more angry at myself.  Maybe I need to overcome my own ego.

Maybe I'm the one who I need to forgive.

Hillbillies in SPAAAAAAAAACE.....

No, we aren't sending hillbillies into space.  

*pause*

Then again, this could be the next great Netflix show.  Start off with a group of hillbillies on vacation to Cape Canaveral sometime in the not too distant future, one thing leads to another, and they mistakenly end up on a rocket headed to Mars instead of the real crew.  The only exception is the straight-laced military commander who is leading the mission.  The show revolves around them learning to work together to survive in space.  

I think this could work...  

*blinks*

Oh, sorry, I got distracted...

I'm fascinated when seemingly disparate things connect.  Unlike Ghostbusters philosophy, where you should never cross the streams (unless being attacked by a giant marshmallow man), universal truths should cross boundaries and connect across various areas of policy, science, and even human interactions. That's how you know something is big "R"-right.  The underlying premise works regardless of context.

One of those curious moments happened this past week.  I had caught up on SyFy’s (spelling still annoys me) The Expanse and then finished the audiobook Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance.  Completely separate topics as one is a futuristic story in space and the other a memoir of growing up in a Appalachian hillbilly family.  Both deal with socio-political issues at the surface, but there's another underlying truth - the importance of diversity and risks associated with artificial systems.

Again, if you haven't caught up on The Expanse and/or haven’t read Hillbilly Elegy, you may or may not want to continue.  Thar be spoiler dragons below…

In season two of The Expanse, the Rossi heads to the decimated Ganymede station.  Ganymede was a horticultural station built with bio-domes, those domes were damaged or destroyed by a satellite crash (there's more to it, but that's enough to get the point).  

Not long after they arrive, Dr Meng (whose daughter they are trying to help find) realizes the station plants are dying.  Those plants were placed throughout the domes to generate oxygen for the inhabitants of Ganymede.  Meng goes on to explain that in a bio-diverse system, if something changes, the system can typically recover as adjustments occur within the system to compensate.  On a space station, the plants are living in an artificial system with little bio-diversity.  Once the plants die, there’s nothing to compensate.  Unfortunately for the station, the damage was already too great - the station was headed for another disaster. As you can imagine, panic ensues in the next episode.

Moving back to earth, Hillbilly Elegy gives a history lesson (through the eyes of Vance) on the migration of eastern Kentuckians to manufacturing towns to pursue better lives.  Those new "homes" seemed completely dependent upon those manufacturing facilities (essentially, an artificial economic system without much diversity).

Once manufacturing shifted internationally, and facilities either shut down or scaled back, towns were devastated economically. Those manufacturing regions did not have enough economic diversity to compensate for such an important part of its system shutting down.  People took their base economy for granted, even when it couldn't sustain them.

Makes sense - artificial economies built on one or two large employers (or industries) seem like a huge risk in the long term as much as an artificial ecology does.  Should we take a lesson from Mather Nature when discussing economic policy here in the Bluegrass and focus on more economic diversity?

Instead of courting large businesses with tax breaks, land grants, and the like, should we be focused on bringing in smaller (not necessarily "small") businesses with varying backgrounds?  

If we offer more incentives to bring in businesses that hire and train employees with skills that be easily transferred elsewhere, will it be easier to adapt to economic fluctuations?  

If those skills are transferrable, doesn't that lead to higher competition between businesses, which lead to better salaries and wages, which lead to better employees?  

If employees have higher salaries and wages, doesn't that lead to a broader/higher tax base which then go into better schools, infrastructure, and supporting businesses (hospitality, retail, etc)?

Sure, the down side might be more inflation/higher cost of living, but would it meet/match west and east coast levels?

Now, I’m not saying making deals with large employers like Ford, Toyota are bad, they just carry a larger inherent risk.  They foster artificial economies with little diversity.   Again, they are a good source for large numbers of jobs.  But, how transferrable are those job skills if the facilities are shut down?  Are there enough open jobs to absorb those skills?  Is our dependence upon them leverage to force incentives that lower funding for needs to support the additional infrastructure (roads, connectivity, education)?

Why not focus on building stronger medium and smaller businesses across varying industries as much (or more) as courting larger ones?  With today’s connectivity and logistic infrastructures (USPS, UPS, FedEx, Amazon, Etsy, etc) smaller businesses can be very profitable.  They employ more people nationally already, larger numbers of smaller businesses (ie not large enterprise) provide economic diversity which provides a level of protection if one business goes under.

Why not focus on "naturally occurring" industries?  Eco-tourism, hemp production, liquor, horses, art and music are naturally occurring business ventures.  Each comes with (or could come with) good margins, spin-offs, employee training and be less stressful on our state's ecological environment.

Look at Rochester, NY.  When Kodak died, the city didn't dry up and float away.  Seeing trouble ahead, leaders made it a point to start the diversification process through initiatives and policy changes focusing on "intellectual capital" they already had, education, and entrepreneurship.  Pittsburgh took a similar route focusing on diversification and technology upgrades to repurpose existing abandoned facilities.

Want to keep Kentucky towns from dying?  Look to "natural" and diverse economic strategies.

We need better planning to cover the risks of the short term "job" gains that our politicians tout every time a large company decides to move their facilities to the state.  Don't get me wrong, those jobs are great in the near term, but at what cost of the future?  We can play games with tariffs and trade agreements on imported goods from other countries to keep these types of jobs here, but are we just making everything more complicated?  Why not shift our work force towards new jobs that these other low cost manufacturers can't do?  Shift towards skill sets that are more fluid or natural to our regions?

Let's stop forcing things that aren't a natural fit.  Let's not put our eggs in a few baskets.  Let's diversify.

We don't want to be stuck on a space station without oxygen.

Now I'm off to right the next TV phenomenon.

The Big Little Lies

***Spoiler Alert*** This week is referring to the book “Big Little Lies” by Liane Moriarty and hits a little on the HBO series based on the book.

Please do not read if you haven’t read, and plan on reading, this book or watch the show.  If you have read, or do not have plans to, then feel free to continue.

I was reviewing my monthly budget a few weeks ago and realized that I had not ever, once, finished an audiobook I had purchased through my Audible account.  I looked into canceling my account and I found out that I’d lose the monthly credits I had built up if I did.  Bummer.

So, as to not “lose” money, I went on a quest to find audio books that I actually thought I might listen to.  I’m more of an “eye” person when it comes to books and my ears typically preferred music, so wasn’t having much luck.  Then, I saw Big Little Lies.

I had seen the ads for the HBO show.  I remember Shailene Woodley running down a beach, Reese Witherspoon with the guy from Parks and Rec (not Chris Pratt, Rob Lowe, or Ron Swanson - it’s the other guy), and Nicole Kidman.  Nicole Kidman!

Aside: I’m not a big fan of Shailene Woodley.  She probably is a wonderful person, but ever since an article on her where she described re-usable feminine hygiene products, I’ve been creeped out and don’t go out of my way to watch her movies.

The TV show has Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon.  It has to be classy, right?  So, I purchased the BLL Audiobook, along with a couple others from different authors. *BOOM* Credits used, time to cancel the account.

I downloaded the audio, and started on my journey to a Sydney suburb with lots of rich white people.  I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it, but I found myself not able to stop listening.  I’d listen while in the shower, in the car, at work (which led to some very bad spelling and poor spreadsheet execution, but I digress).  I even started watching the show before I had finished the book.  

Another side note:  the book is better than the show, unless you want to see Kidman’s boobs, the book doesn’t have those. I believe they may have gotten their own credit at the end of the show.

So what is so compelling about the lives of three suburban Australian mothers?  The story itself was well crafted.  You don’t know who the victim is until the end.  You see the juxtaposition between what actually happened and the recounting of events through the eyes of those around them (throughout the book and show, the story is interrupted by interviews with witnesses).

*Spoilers incoming*

What really got to me was something on a much deeper psychological level.  Each of the three main protagonists were abused in some sort of way and each were in different phases of recovery.  Madeline was the furthest along, Jane’s in the middle, and Celeste really hasn’t started yet.  Their stories, when told together, mainly get to the crux of recovery from abuse.  It also delves into the internal conflict that happens when women are abused.  Some of it, to be honest, was a little scary to me.

Madeline’s husband left her right after their child was born.  He just told her “I can’t do this” and walked out.  She was left to fend for herself and her child.  She put her head down, got a job, raised her daughter.  She eventually met Ed, married and had two more kids.  Her marriage with Ed seems pretty stable (in the book, the show handles her marriage a bit differently).  She still harbors resentment for her ex, who now lives in the neighborhood, is remarried, and is back in his daughter’s life.  Madeline is struggling with the “injustice” of it all.  He’s married, has a beautiful wife, is a doting dad for his new daughter, and his older daughter eventually moves in with him, leaving Madeline behind.

How can someone who was such a complete dick, end up getting the perfect life?  How does that even happen?  Aren’t people supposed to reap what they sow?  How long do we harbor anger? How can someone who wrongs you so completely not have any lasting effects?  Her story focuses on her anger, and the struggle to let it go.

Jane’s pregnancy was the result of a one night stand that morphed into sexual and emotional assault.  The father of her child turned out to be a callous, horrific, mean person.  I won’t go into details of the assault, but he broke her down as emotionally as he did physically.  Jane left law school to have her child, and spent the first few years of his life making ends meet as a bookkeeper, silently worried about whether her son would be genetically predisposed to violence and cruelty.  A running storyline is that her son was accused of choking a girl in class and subsequently bullying her.  She defended him as any mother would, but was also afraid he might have done it.

How do we pick up the emotional pieces once the physical ones are healed?  How long do we let that power linger over us? How long do we harbor fear? How many of us hold on to fears as if they are real tangible things?  Like a poisonous snake we are holding by the head and we’ll get bit if we let go?  Her story is about fear, and the struggle to let it go.

Celeste.  Poor Celeste.  This is the real gut wrench of the book as you slowly come to realize that her perfect marriage is a sham.  He beats her and sometimes she fights back.  She loves him, she feels he loves her.  She thinks about leaving, but realizes she could never love anyone else.  She keeps this to herself, never telling anyone about the abuse.  He never hits her in places where it is obvious, so no one suspects.  Plus, who'd expect such a beautiful couple to have such an ugly secret?  The abuse continues to escalate to a point where she is in bed for several days “sick”.  She then finds out, through one of her twin sons, that her other twin son is the one abusing the little girl at school and not Jane’s son.  She also finds out he has been bullying another girl as well.  All that time, she didn’t think her boys had seen what their father did to her.  She finally realizes that her boys are as affected as she is.

How do you come to grips with reality?  How long to you harbor the lie?  How long do you convince yourself that it’s ok, or will be ok?  How long do we stay in situations that aren’t healthy?  The scariest parts of this book, to me, are the rationalizations Celeste uses to stay.  You don’t get the internal dialogue in the show as you do in the book.  As you read (or listen to it), it makes perfect sense:

• “I escalated it”
• “I should have just walked away”
• “I shouldn’t have said it”
• “I shouldn’t have asked him to do <X>”
• "I have so many things that others don't, I have no right to complain". 

How many times do we say these very same things to ourselves?  Her story focuses on the lie she’s been living, and the struggle to let it go.

I won’t ruin the murder mystery and plot twists only to say that while the story focuses on the lives of Celeste, Jane and Madeline, the other mothers have their own stories.  We get flashes of those stories in how they each react to the events surrounding the murder.  You understand more of their motivations and their own lies that they’ve been living - e.g. Tough Renata’s marriage has its own issues and mellow-tree-hugging Bonnie is fighting her own demons.

This was such a good book. Frightening, but good.  If you don't plan on reading it, please reconsider.  If nothing else, maybe you can learn the spot the big little lies your loved ones might be telling you (or you might be telling yourself).

Streaming ruined (the memory of) my childhood

What kid growing up in the 80’s didn’t love cartoons?  Every Saturday morning and right after school, I’d watch all of them (GI Joe, Thundercats, My Little Pony, She-Ra/He-Man, etc).

Fast forward a few…. Uhh.. years…. and I’m a happy Amazon Prime and Netflix customer.  I happen to notice that the Thundercats were just picked up on Prime.  Awesome!  I can relive part of my childhood, right?  One Saturday, I go buy a box of Fruity Pebbles and some unsweetened almond milk.  Why?  Fruity Pebbles are the BEST CEREAL EVER and Almond milk because my ability to handle whey protein disappeared along with my youth.

I make my cereal, load up Prime and start listening to one of the best cartoon theme songs ever (at least from the 80’s.. and maybe only bested by DuckTales). I actually sung along with it, as was the norm as a kid.

If you are wondering: yes, I fully realize I’m a ginormous nerd. I also judge people on how they know Nathan Fillion, and still get angry every time I think about the Superman trailer where music from LoTR was re-used. #1 Superman desires original music and #2 don’t defile Gandalf’s death by reusing scene music. *deep cleansing breath*

Anyways, back to the point.  I load up the first episode, munch my cereal, and start to relive a good memory from my childhood.  Unfortunately, the more I watched, the more of my adult brain  became completely and utterly repulsed at the lack of logic these characters showed.  I always thought I was a smart savvy kid.  Watching, I realized I was wrong.  So.  Very.  Wrong.

Within the first 2-3 episodes, I just couldn’t take the poor logic and plot holes anymore.  Hey, the prince wants to wander around in a forest of an unknown planet alone?  Sure, sounds like a great idea! (Said no one ever, except in cartoons).  Stasis pods where only one person ages and he looks like the cartoon anthropomorphic lion equivalent of The Rock?  Sure, makes perfect sense.

So, I gave up on Thundercats, and moved on to something else.  Hrmm.. My Little Pony the Movie.  Another bad move.  I don’t want to remember. Please make it stop.

But, it can’t all be bad?  I rewatched episodes of He-Man, She-Ra, Jem, GI Joe.  Ugh.  My memories of my childhood have been tainted.  As I looked online to figure out if I’m just taking things too personally, this did help. “Hefner’s pet rat”.  Classic.

I ran across a Youtube video (which I apparently can no longer find), in which a cartoonist explains why these old cartoons are the way they are.  Small bits plot for kids who naturally can’t handle big complex ideas.  Makes sense.  Makes sense until I watched some newer cartoons.  The reboots of MLP and Voltron seem pretty solid.  Actually, the New Voltron is pretty funny.  I saw Warner Bros put out a reboot of Thundercats in 2011 (haven’t watched it, as it isn’t gratis).  

Are kids just more savvy these days?  Or, are production companies using today’s parents’ affinity for cartoons in sync with their children to create marketing opportunities?  Blending better storylines to make the shows more palatable to parents, therefore making them more likely to buy toys for their kids?

Regardless, my childhood is ruined, but at least I have some awesome reboots to console me.