Special Topic: Football vs Kneeball

Lot’s of sniping about NFL and NBA players “taking a knee” during the national anthem.  When this first popped up, my initial response was:  kneeling is more reverential. Why be upset about it?

I don't consider kneeling as disrespectful.  I kneel at church all the time. I'm not protesting God.  If you want to protest, take a seat on the bench, or dance the Bartman.  But, this is the method that was chosen, so be it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of flag burning, or national anthem sitting.  But, I understand the statement.  I understand the little kid in my 5th grade class who was a Jehovah’s Witness.  He didn’t stand during the pledge and the class turned out ok.  The fabric of American society did not crumble.  People have protested for YEARS (as in two hundred of them) and America hasn’t fallen a part yet.  We’ve had a few close calls, but we’ve made it through.

A subset of citizens feel that “liberty and justice for all” doesn’t apply to them, or isn’t applied equitably.  Given statistics on incarceration - 1 in 3 black men are likely to be imprisoned as opposed to 1 in 9 of all men, or 1 in 17 of white men - they have a case.  Another statistic that ran across my attention recently, is that after WWII, out of the first 67,000 loans provided through the G.I. bill, only 100 were for non-white applicants. Yes, 100.

Take stats like these on top of the civil rights movement not even being 100 years old yet, fights over confederate statues in town squares, recent shootings by police of young black men (regardless of the justification) and white supremacists making their way back into mainstream media, we have American citizens who are hurting.  And, these people who are hurting are those least likely to have a platform that can push for change.

Those who have the platform, and understand what their communities are suffering with, have an obligation to bring it to the national stage. Regardless of what career they find themselves in, they have an obligation to do what is right and just for those who can't speak for themselves.

So many of you are saying how shameful it is for an NFL player kneel during the anthem since so many people died for his freedom to even play football.

You want to know what I find more shameful?  NOT using those rights that so many gave their lives to ensure.  Freedom means nothing if it isn’t exercised.  I don’t always agree with the motivations, or vehicle, but I agree you have a right to do so.  I will also respect the fact you may not agree with me, but we need to allow others the ability to exercise their freedoms based on their conscious.

At the end of the day, the most important takeaway is this:  people didn’t die for a flag or a song.  They died for the freedoms those symbols were created to represent.

Let’s keep it that way.

Angela’s shoes

Yes, I watched the September Apple event live.  Tweeted up a firestorm about it. Mainly snark.. but hey.. I was engaged right?  I’m also really looking forward to the series 3 watch.  I can’t wait to get one, and have it send out an alert every time some cute random guy wants to talk to me.  

“No, I’m not having a cardiac event, it’s your “ask for my number” alarm.”

Yeah, this is why I'm still single.  Anywhooo...

Back to the event…

When Apple’s head of retail, Angela Ahrendts, stepped on stage to go through changes to retail operations, all I could focus on were her shoes.  They were some kick ass shoes.  I loved them.  They were back matte (maybe a suede) open toed boot-heel. Did I mention I loved them?  I paid absolutely no attention to the presentation.  Just thought about the shoes.  How I wish I had the balance to wear that skinny (and high) of a heel, on stage.  Then I thought, this is one reason why I could never be an exec - I could never wear that type of shoe.

*insert record scratch audio*

What.  Did.  I.  Just.  Say?  I think I need to rethink this….

Ahrendts gets through her presentation, walks offstage, and Tim Cook comes back.  His shoes?  Looked like a pair of Vans from a distance.  Every other exec’s (all others were male) shoe wear?  Flat tennis/Van like kicks, everyone. I didn’t notice any dress shoes.

Overall, the menswear was more casual than Ahrendts.

Some of the dress code differences may have just been personal style, but I’ve noticed similar trends in my own life.  Women tend to dress “better” than most men in business situations, at least in my industry.  Most women in positions of power, wear heels. I’ve also noticed that when I dress ‘fancier’, people do treat me differently.

Why?

I have no real hard data as why, but it seemingly isn’t a figment of my imagination.

Apparently, women who wear more masculine attire tend to be hired more than women whose attire is more feminine.  We suffer from an additional double standard that men are allowed to wear basically the same clothes day in and out (from top execs to presidents), but women aren’t.

So, we have to dress more like men in order to get hired, dress more like women after we do and better not wear the same thing twice?  Are people really watching what I'm wearing THAT closely?  Talk about creepy.

Is wardrobe yet another form of unconscious discrimination?

I don’t know, but I still wish I had Angela’s shoes.

CIOs need better SOX

By now, you’ve probably visited www.equifaxsecurity2017.com to see if you’ve been compromised.

UGH. 143 Million people. Three Equifax execs poured salt in the wound by selling stock pretty close the the release date of the information. Everyone's a'twitter on Twitter to see if this violated insider trading regulations.

That’s when it hit me.  Why aren’t companies (especially publicly traded ones, or ones that deal with sensitive personal information) required to have a C-suite level chief information officer (CIO) who is held at the same level of accountability for security and sensitive data breaches as CFOs are for business reporting.  Sure, we have criteria and regulations that companies need to follow (FIPS, Common Criteria, ISO, HIPPA, etc), but what really results from this other than plummeting stocks and fines on the company itself?

If a CFO or a CEO signs off on negligent SEC filing - a whole heap of hurt will result that personally affects one or both (clawbacks and/or criminal charges). What happens with a data breach?  Fines for the company?  Loss of stock value to shareholders?

What happens to the individuals who make decisions that expose their customers?  Get fired?  Most C-suite folks are in the 1%.  They are more than capable of retiring and living on an island somewhere even if they never find another job anywhere. So what level of true personal accountability is there for them?

Let’s put it all on the table - the real underlying societal issue here, is the lack of responsibility of the 1% towards the rest of us little people. This is why we have so many SEC regulations.

When we (the little guys) need money - for a home, car, starting a new business, or covering unexpected expenses - we have to take the “anonymous” mass commercial route.  We have to go to banks and financial institutions, not people we know.

We don’t meet other rich people on the golf course.  We don’t have brunch at the country club with financiers.  We (typically) didn’t pledge with Manfred Moneybags III.  We don’t have the easy connections to get personal loans and investors.

Our credit and digital identity are the only things the mass market institutions have to determine whether or not they want to part with their money.  Our financial history is the only thing that determines whether we are a better bet than someone else with their capital.

If our credit goes south due to identity theft, we don’t have a bank of lawyers on retainer to take care of it.  We don’t really have people who know us well enough to be able to personally vouch or to provide the financing we need.

Bad credit ratings due to identity theft is crippling.  Just read this horror story.  Let’s multiply this by 140+ million people.  140+ million people who are not rich or well connected.

So, yeah.  When a company suffers a major breach and opens up the little guy to such pain and heartache, we should take it seriously.  We should take it seriously enough to place appropriate consequences upon those that hold the power in making decisions.  We should take it just as seriously as reporting financial information truthfully.

This falls to the CIO and CEO.

All publicly traded companies, and private companies that handle sensitive customer information (or provide these services (or software) to other companies), should be required to have the Office of CIO.  That CIO should, along with CEO, be required to sign off on all audits and bear personal responsibility for data breaches - similar to Sarbanes-Oxley.

These breaches have to stop and they probably won’t until the personal consequences become much higher in the C-Suite. #SoX4CIOs

The Curious Case of Melinda Gates

Another Melinda Gates article came across my feed this morning with the typically headline “I wouldn’t be where I am without contraception.”  Which is odd, considering the lack of contraception is the reason why she's physically here.  But, I digress.  Her main point, as I understand it, is that unplanned pregnancies are huge financial burdens on women and families. To alleviate the burden, don't have the children.  And, without access to abortifacients and abortions, it's hard not to have the children.

Now, those of you who know me, are probably getting your torches and pitchforks ready, as you are assuming what's going to come out of my mouth and that you already know you aren't going to like it.

Before you flick your Bic to light up the blaze, let me be very clear about something: I don’t believe people who consider themselves pro-choice/pro-contraceptive are bad people.  I understand it comes from a place of pragmatism and an underlying want to help women.  I get it.  I'm not here to cast judgement (for once).

I just want to give a different perspective.  Long term, I believe, pushing this agenda is actually harming not just women, but our society without actually fixing the underlying issue.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had earlier this summer with a young girl.  She told me “I probably won’t have kids.”  Of course, my follow up question was “Why?”  I didn’t ask this to be judgemental, I asked out of curiosity.  Most young girls I’ve spoken to over the course of my life want to be moms in addition to being doctors, lawyers and veterinarians.  The toy market is still filled with baby-flavored dolls and accoutrements.

I’ll admit, one could have a chicken & egg argument at this point regarding what little girls want versus what they are taught to want in toy stores.

“It will interfere with my career.”

*insert jaw drop*

I was a little stunned.  I have friends who have made this decision as adults, and there isn’t anything intrinsically wrong with it. I was just shocked that someone so young would even be thinking about the effects of children on one’s career.  Especially since she’s too young to have even know what career she wants.  But, she's a smart kid who has been taught something by society.

When successful women, like Gates, take such public stances, young women (especially girls) are listening.  When friends and parents struggle, they are watching.  What they see and hear comes across as one very scary lesson:  “Children undermine your potential”.  “Having children is bad.”  “If you have kids, you will struggle.”

While I would wish it otherwise, we have a society where this lesson is largely correct for women - exceedingly so for women either in, or just above, poverty.

We've all heard of the gender pay gap.  But, there’s an additional tax if you have kids.  Listening to the The Mommy Tax episode of the podcast Stuff Mom Never told You, I was shocked to hear that mothers are affected by the gender pay gap 5 times that of women without kids.  FIVE TIMES.  Five times on top of the already existing gap.

And, by the way, men with children get a pay raise in comparison to childless men. *cough*

So wages start out lower and/or slow overtime for mothers.  Add in the non-recurring and recurring costs of rearing a child (or children) and you have a recipe for financial crisis, especially if she is single (side note: in 2013 CDC reported 85% of women who had abortions were unmarried).  When pregnancy happens, the woman ends up bearing the responsibility physically, emotionally and financially.  An unplanned pregnancy can push a woman over the edge into the pit of poverty, or dig her another 10 feet deeper into it.

I can agree with Gates that we have a global problem.  I don’t agree with how to address it.  Abortion and abortifacients are one way to cope with the issue, but this seems short sighted.  As I pointed out earlier, this approach seems to propagate the idea that women shouldn’t have kids and their base physiology is harmful to their prosperity.

At this point, you are probably thinking (or, more than likely, eye-rolling), “Well, Miss SmartyPants, what should we be doing?”

Why don’t we start by not placing (or forcing) all the responsibility on women?

Why aren’t we fighting harder for equal pay (especially for mothers)?  Why aren’t we fighting for better work-life labor requirements?  Why aren’t we fighting for paternity leaves that allow women to return to work while fathers stay home?  Why aren't we fighting harder for affordable quality healthcare so that the cost of having and caring for a child isn't a financial death sentence?

Did you know the US Military spends $84M on erectile dysfunction medications, annually? How about redirecting those funds to help continue to level out responsibility - such as more research in male contraception or tracking down deadbeat fathers?  How about removing some of the stigmas surrounding vasectomies?

Yea, I know I've lost a few of my Catholic peeps with that last one, but we have to remember, not everyone is Catholic.

In 2013, we spent $2 BILLION (globally) on male pattern baldness.  Why not provide those funds (or a portion) to global organizations that provide educational opportunities along with child care options in safe spaces?

How about working to create better economies where jobs are available that can provide for families? Or, funding startups run by women (or even men) in crisis?

Through our actions, let's teach our daughters that while motherhood is a life sentence - it isn't a death sentence.

Of Dads and TayTays

I took last week off as I’m just so emotionally drained and fatigued from everything going on in the world right now.  There have been days I’ve just wanted to stay in bed in a fetal position.  Luckily (maybe?), my dad raised my brother and I to get out of bed every morning.  Feel sick?  Get up, take a shower, get dressed and if you still feel bad, then go back to bed. Usually, after going through he motions, might as well go on with the day as planned.

Considering I could probably count on my hand the number of days I saw that man take off form work, he was dead serious.  And yes, I said HAND, not hands.  He had an incredibly hard job.  He worked for a power company which would require him to work on/near boilers in the heat of summer and hydroelectric equipment on the river during the dead of winter.  I look back and I’m amazed at how hard he worked.

While there’s longterm gains of being raised by a man like this, it wasn’t always easy.  I had a list of things I never tried with my dad that other kids would get away with their parents:

1. Backtalk (ok, occasionally, I was his daughter after all), 
2. Complain about how my life is hard
3. Be lazy
4. Cry over spilt milk, anything really (he wasn’t much for whining)

The summation of this is a pretty straight forward life philosophy: don’t sit around and cry about things.  Get your head out of your <edited for content> and go work for it.  Take control of the situation - you have no one to blame but yourself if you found yourself in a bad situation.  Dad was a tough love kinda guy.

Fast forward the numerous years of my life until now.  Holy Guacamole.  I lack sufficient vocabulary to express how I truly feel about this complete and utter <edited for content>show that’s playing out locally and nationally.  How did we break things so badly?

Well, I wasn’t raised to sit around and just complain about things, and about how everyone else should be doing “this” or “that”.  That’s not how I was raised.  However, human interaction really isn’t in my wheelhouse.  Want me to evacuate a build/room fast?  I’d recommend yelling “Unstructured Networking time!” instead of “Fire!”.  No, I’m not joking.  I’d rather burn than make small talk.

No, it isn’t fair that I’m wired this way, but my dad would also say “The Fair’s in August.”  Regardless of how uncomfortable I am, I have to get over it.  My city needs me.  And, truth is, your city needs you too.  *insert cheesy Batman joke here* 

So, over the past few months, I’ve signed up for more volunteer work that places me in very uncomfortable positions (as in emotionally.. not physically.. just to clarify).  I’ve found it draining at times, but I’ve also found it quite exciting.  I’ve even attended a political event this evening.  SHOCKER.  True, I left when “unstructured networking” started, but baby steps, right?  And, I did get to pet a cute puppy on the way back to my car.  Win win, right?

Amazing how happy dogs make happy people.  Cats suck - they are never happy with anything.

I get home tonight, after the aforementioned event and sit down to finish up my blog for this week.  Still feeling frustrated, even with taking steps to try to be a part of the solution rather than the problem.  

The title of Taylor Swift’s new single comes across my feed.  Intrigued, I hopped over to Youtube to give it a full listen. 

“Look What You Made Me Do.”  

This song changed my entire outlook this evening.  Last minute, BAM, complete 180.  I've been playing this song on loop for the past hour.  I'm sure generated enough in royalties for her to buy a new yacht.  I LOVE IT. 

Complete and total summation of everything that has been going on in the dark recesses of my brain.

It's the full truth of what's going on right now, if ever I’ve heard it.

Look what you made me go and do. You’ve gone and made me get active and venture out into humanity.  This will not be forgotten.  This will not be forgiven.

So, Good luck, my Dad and TayTay taught me well.

In Defense of Ashley Judd

Yeah, I didn't see that coming either.

She's taken to social media to complain about being called a term of endearment and being complimented on her dress.  Personally, I'd be happy I didn't get a body cavity search. Regardless, I think it's worthwhile to give a different view on why Ms. Judd may have said what she did.

A few years ago, I spent a few months living in another country.  A country where I was a complete minority.  This white chick stuck out like a sore thumb that had a large pink splint attached to it.

Often, during lunch or dinner, I'd head over to the nearest mall to shop and eat.  Ok, mostly to eat.  Every entrance to the mall had a security checkpoint where bags would get checked.  Every time I'd walk up, the guard would usher me through without checking my bag.  Why?  Because I was a "westerner", some harmless white lady.

While this may seem lucky for me, it made me uneasy.  When it first happened, my initial response was "No, you need to search my bag, too".  It's only fair, right? Why are people being profiled like this? I shouldn't be treated any better than anyone else.  My sense of justice was irked.

Now, I'll admit, I doubt the TSA agent in question meant any harm, and I doubt the person needs to lose their job, but I can see why she felt the way she did.  I can also see why she chose to speak out about it.

You should treat everyone equally, regardless of how they look.  One could argue that Judd was the recipient of a compliment, but taking a stand on something when you are profiting from it speaks even more strongly.

As people of privilege (whether being white, straight, Christian, pretty, thin, male, or any combination of these), we are just as responsible to speak out when we see things that don't meet the ideals of the society we wish to live in.  Too many people are judged, profiled, and limited based on things that don't really matter instead of their character.  We shouldn't stand for it even if we profit - we should feel equally as responsible to fix the ills in our society.

And, to be honest, those of us who profit probably bear an even greater responsibility.

Confessions of a Catholic

One thing many (normal, everyday) Catholics agree on, is how much we don’t like going to confession. Sure, the more pious of you will remind me that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is probably one most important Sacraments of the Church.  Why?  Because it’s the ultimate expression of Jesus’s love for us.  All sins, forgiven - which is why He died on the cross for us.

No sin is too small to be seen, and no sin is too big to go unforgiven.

I intellectually understand this, but emotionally and psychologically, it’s hard for me to fathom at times.  I’ve never been 100% comfortable.  I’ve had some amazing experiences after confessions take place, but it’s hard for me to get through the initial “I don’t want to do this” phase.  It’s almost like running - you start out a race and your legs hurt, you wonder why are you doing this and then somewhere along the way you hit your stride, and you get that runner’s high.  Confession is like that.  Sucks at first, then the spiritual endorphins kick in, then it goes south a little when you get some weird penance that you have to complete.  Overall, you feel great, and are glad you did it and all you can think about is that tasty chocolate milk.

Regardless, I’ve been way overdue, and figured I’d best get my butt to the little wooden box.

When I walked in for confession today, I knew it was going to be one of those times.  One of those times where I would be adding a few more ticky marks to the sin list while waiting.  The line was already long and every person seemed to take about 10 minutes.  Times like these, I wish we had a “5 sins or fewer” confessional lane.  The line took about an hour.  And, while waiting, another priest showed up. At first, I wasn’t sure he was a priest until he walked into the priest half of the other confessional.  Once I got through my “whaaa???”, it was too late, the back half of the line I was in scuttled over filling up his line.

Why was I confused?  Some unsolicited advice for Priests: If you are walking around the sanctuary in your white hooded cassock, please leave the hood down - especially in the south.  People might get the wrong idea...

I finally made it through, and the worst possible scenario presented itself - I had a confessor who was hard of hearing, and I needed to speak loudly.  Not what I wanted to do in a church that was starting to fill up for the vigil mass.  And, to top it off, he was a talker.

Yup, this was going to be one of those times.  All I needed was six words.  I’m on a schedule, I did my thing, people are waiting, absolve me and let’s move through the line.  This confessional needed some increased operational efficiency.

I know, some of you are probably scandalized, but there is a point to this, that I’m getting to...

I’m kneeling there, after I’ve gone through my list of “I’m sorry I’ve been bad”s thinking I may have to interrupt to re-confess my lack of patience with humanity when something amazing happened across my ears.

“God didn’t make us to be robots.”  Seven words.  Not the six I had come for, but the seven I probably needed to hear.

As you may have already guessed in previous writing, I’m not a warm fuzzy emotionally teddy bear kinda gal.  I overlook the emotional, because it is typically messy, inconvenient, not relevant and usually illogical.  Even when it’s my own emotions.

This gets me into trouble.  This gets me into a great deal of trouble.  People usually find me standoffish (or worse) as a result.  And, I don’t always make a good first impression, especially with other women.

It’s tough to hear, but it’s necessary.  I wasn’t made to be a logical, analytical robot. Emotions are a part of our organic, complex, human programming.  I was made to be a living, breathing human being.  I was made to love and to be loved.  Just as we all are.

Yes, this was one of those times - one of those times where I realize the power of the confessional.

Let’s hope I remember that next time in the confessional line.

Letting the Light In

I'm tired this week.  Tired of everything and everyone.  I realize I'm being a big baby, but it doesn't change the fact I've reached a point of personal fatigue.  I could go on about the Boy Scouts, healthcare, Transgender bans, Russian spies, national voter registries, and the loss of Spicey on SNL - but I just can't muster any energy to do so this week.  I just don't want to do it.

So, in leiu of actually doing something productive, I decided to pick up this physical book thingy (which almost weighs as much as my tablet, and doesn't have a quarter of the same functionality *stares incredulously at the lazy book laying there doing nothing*).

Violence Unvieled by Gil Bailie ended up on my reading list due to a few recommendations from my small discipleship group.  Again, I had to buy it in paperback, which is fitting considering the topic concerns the brutality of society and the need for sacrifices with which to appease the masses and bring peace.

I wasn't necessarily looking forward to reading it.  Not because of the topic, I just don't like dealing with physical books.  But, I'm tired so might as well go full old school.

I open the book to a page of four quotes - two from the New Testament, one from Yeats, and one from Leonard Cohen.  Yes, Leonard Cohen.

No offense meant to Jesus and Yeats, but it was Cohen's words that floored me:

Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in. 

For those of you familiar with Cohen's music, you might remember these lyrics from his song Anthem. I haven't even started reading the book, but I'm already flowing down the river of introspection to the ocean of relief. Yeah, I'm corny like that.

Reading those words - there's so much truth and wisdom - packed in those 4 little lines. 

• Ring the bells that still can ring.  Focus on what I have control over.
• Forget your perfect offering.  Nothing in this world is without fault. Accept it and move on.
• There is a crack in everything. We're all broken. Accept it and move on. 
• That's how the light gets in.  Only by facing the brokenness do we learn how to be better.  And not just generically better, but better in areas that actually matter.

Maybe this cluster of a year (or past few years) is really a blessing.  The hard times have made me really sit down and think about what's important in life.  What's important about me.  Made me evaluate what type of life I really want to have.

Maybe we can realize that the light coming up over the horizon isn't a nuclear mushroom cloud, but an understanding of how we can be better as a society and a country.

Maybe there is reason to be joyful, hopeful and happy during this time of emotionally draining muck in this country.

Maybe we just needed to let the light in.  Apparently, a truckload of extra strength light. 

And, maybe, just maybe...  I might actually read this book.

Why do you need to know this?

I just want to live my life.  I don’t want to talk about things with people when I feel it has absolutely no bearing on anything.  There are things I consider on a “need to know” basis.  Think I’m kidding?  Talk to my mom.  She thinks talking to me is like talking to brick wall that’s been plastered over with concrete and left in a vault at Ft Knox.

For some reason, people feel like they have a right to ask questions.  

An Example: my ear has decided it no longer wants to work appropriately and, as any normal person would do, I went to see the doctor this week at the walk in clinic at work.

I walk in and am handed a clipboard with some pages on it.  “Fill out these pages.”

I start reading through the questions figuring it had to do with past medical history and any meds the doctor should know about.

This is a sampling of what I found across 4 pages.  Yes.  FOUR pages.

• “What’s your level of personal stress?”  Was fine until I got this 4 page survey, of which only 25% dealt with my medical history.
• “What’s your level of stress at your job?” See previous response.
• “Do you have feelings of hopelessness?” I do while filling out this survey.
• “Do you sleep at night?” I may not as I feel my personal privacy has been violated beyond what it needs to be.

Oh, then finally this beauty - 

• “Which response best describes this statement: My partners and I use condoms: [Always], [Occasionally], [in monogamous relationship], or [Not having sex/does not apply]?”

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY EAR?!   What does ANY OF THIS have to do with my ear?

PSA:  If sex has anything to do with your ear YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!! Or, you have some weird fetish thing that I don’t want to know about, but you consider therapy.

On some weird adult level, I get it. People are asking questions to make sure they are looking out for me.  But, I’m a grown ass adult. I’m just here for my ear, not a gynecological exam.

I’m not in pain, I'm not bleeding.  I’m not dizzy, lightheaded, or otherwise think I’m Marie Antoinette (but I do believe in eating cake).

Just stick the lighty-thing in my ear, tell me it's an infection (or some weird wax buildup), and let me know what I need to do to make it better. 

That’s all I need.

It’s all you should need, too.

Dear Fellow Christians

I’m ticked at you too.

I shake my head and pray to God when I see some of your social media posts.  You scream about this being a country built on Christianity.  No, it was a country built on immigrants.  This is a country built on allowing people to believe what they want to believe.  This country was founded on FREEDOM, including religion.  This includes freedoms for agnostics, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Wiccans, and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Just because things aren’t going the “christian way”, doesn’t change that one iota.

Here’s a history lesson for you - “In God We Trust” wasn’t put on our money until 1861.  Theodore Roosevelt tried to remove it in 1907.  TEDDY ROOSEVELT.  Later in the 1950s it was accepted as our national motto.  We went almost 200 years without it.  Two.  Hundred.  Years.  How on God’s Green Earth did we make it that long???

And, to top it off, “Under God” wasn’t added to the pledge until that same timeframe.

So, I have to ask - why are you so concerned about America being a Christian nation anyways?  Is not our treasures outside of this world?  Are we not called to carry the cross that He did?  Are we not called to be persecuted for His sake?

Are we not called to be apart from this world regardless of the consequences?

People have been martyred for our faith - fed to lions, strung up on poles, beheaded, burned at the stake or beaten.  None of which has happened in the US, at least not to heterosexual, caucasian, male, protestant christians.  Some outside that demographic haven’t been so lucky.  So, maybe you should think about that before getting too uppity about not being able to have a “Christmas” party at a school.

In the end, what are you so afraid of anyway?  The unknown?  Loss of your faith?  Children drifting off to join the CoFSM?  

Doesn’t the phrase “Fear not” show up in the Bible about 87 times?  Matthew 10:31 - “Fear Not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows.”  

So why are you worrying?  Why are you pushing?  Why are you digging your heels in over a civic government entity? Why create more of a hostile environment for people who are already dealing with a world of hostility?

Yes, I know we are called to conversion and to be His hands and feet. But those hands and feet shouldn't be kicking and slapping people who don’t agree.  We should be the hands and feet that are working the fields, serving the poor and healing the sick.

So stop worrying about something that isn’t of our concern.  America wasn’t founded as a nation “under God” - this is a nation founded against tyranny.

Don’t undo that by making Him a Tyrant.

Dear California,

I see you’ve made a decision not to join us for Derby next year, use our convention facilities, or drink our bourbon.  Shame, we will miss you, your wines, movies, Disneyland and Kardashians.  But, ultimately, I understand you feel you need to take a stand against other states who you feel aren’t upholding your views on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  And, I understand that sometimes it isn’t worth waiting for Supreme Court rulings to take care of things, like it did DOMA.

I mean, why wait for due process, when you can use your economic power against smaller states for the good of all the US, right?

THANK YOU for being the proactive, progressive state looking out for those of us who don’t know better.

Without you, I’m not sure how KY will ever recover from such a horrific law as allowing school groups to set membership requirements.  I mean, seriously, removing Jesus from a “Charlie Brown Christmas” program didn’t require such a heavy handed response from Commonwealth leadership.  I mean, it’s not like Christmas has anything to do with Jesus anyways, am I right?  So, why did people get all weird about it and pass such asinine legislation to protect school programs?? #XChristFromChristmas

But, let's be honest, we’re pretty inept here.  I mean, before you spoke up, I hadn’t heard much, if anything on my social media feeds about Senate Bill 17.  It took courage from someone like you to set my Twitter feed ablaze with the fire of righteousness.  Again, thank you.  

You have shown us the light and, apparently, our own laws.  You have given us courage to speak our minds and hearts and to rise up against the injustice that may, or may not, happen in our schools.  We know we aren’t alone here in KY.  We no longer fear the likes of Bevin and McConnell…. All because of YOU.  #slowclap #wipestears

I can’t wait until the next gubernatorial election knowing that you are on our side.  Bevin’s going to be beaten so badly.  I mean, how is he going to recover from this?  If only he’d thrown himself upon your mercy as Mayor Greg Fischer and Mayor Jim Gray did, he may have had a chance.  Now what’s he going base his campaign on?  Standing up to other government entities who would see themselves as the overlords of our small, but precious state?

I can’t wait to see the laughter and sneers from across the Bluegrass as they hear his sure-to-be slogan: “While Kentucky liberals kowtowed to coastal left-wing agendas, Matt Bevin stood up for Kentucky.  Matt Bevin stood up for you.”

What a sad attempt at a campaign slogan, am I right?  I mean, who would fall for that claptrap?  Yeah, this won’t fly at all.  I’m sure all the Democrats will have to do is sit back and let him implode like he did last election.  Errr.. I mean, sit back and watch how Trump imploded… err.. hrrmmm.. wait…Uhhh. Moving on….

Again, I want to to thank the great state of California for being our moral compass and using their stature as the largest state in domestic product, highest number of electoral votes, largest number of House Representatives to push the small, less enlightened states around.  We need are so desperately in need of your leadership and guidance.

I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next.  What will be your next crusade?  Medicinal Marijuana?  Free abortions for all, even for men - because, you know.. equal rights?  Expanded gun laws?  Giving voting rights back to felons - wait, we’ve already done that.  

I’m so excited I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight.

Thanks, California!  You are the Real MVP.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S.  To be on safe side, you may want to start stocking up on yarn now.  I have a bad feeling we may need more hats through 2024.

*random edits*

Weird

I work in an industry with a bunch of engineers and programmers.  As a result, I’m already a small demographic.  Even amongst my demographic, I seem to be an even smaller subset.  It's like I'm a unicorn, but the weird goat-like European type.

Sitting in a work event next to another female, I found myself struggling to make small talk and ended up acting like I was reading email on my laptop.  Then another woman walks up, and bam, they are chatting up a storm about kids, pregnancies, schools, pets, and menstrual cycles (no, not really.. I made that last part up...).

I had been, before being interrupted by the loudness of their conversation, contemplating whether to go ahead and buy a Nintendo Switch or simply wait until Christmas.  I really want to play Breath of the Wild.  Maybe I should wait and get the new XBox with 4K video instead.  OR... should I stop with the Xbox fandom and move to a Playstation?  I already pre-purchased Destiny 2 for access to the Beta, so I’ll need to keep the Xbox around a while longer.  Maybe I should just go with the original plan and get the Switch to replace my broken Wii.  I skipped the WiiU, so should be justifiable….

Sorry, I’m getting off topic, but you get the gist of it.  I don’t seem to be wired like most people I meet.

Now, nothing is wrong with discussing baby-care and cats.  Each are perfectly natural things - I just have nothing to add to the conversation.  I did almost buy some pet grass today at the grocery store, but wasn’t sure I was ready for the commitment.

I’ve always realized I'm a bit different, I just didn’t consciously realize the extent until these past two weeks.

A few days ago, I reviewed the result of an old personality test I took:  “women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population…”

Wow.  Ok.. so .8%.  And to top it off it furthers goes on to state: “…explains why many fictional villains (and misunderstood heroes) are modeled on this personality type.”  /facepalm. This explains sooo much.

Fast forward a few days, and I review my Gallup Strengths Finder results with my manager as a part of my yearly performance review.  His response? “You know, I’ve done this with lots of groups, this is the first I’ve seen of one like this.”  Yeeeeaah.

Again, most times this isn’t a big issue.  I’m cool with the solitary life, but it’s hard when you have to interact with humanity, when things just don’t come that naturally to you, or you lack sufficient common ground.  You either come off like a complete bitch, or creepy.  Sometimes both, but only on very rare and special occasions - like first dates.

Heck, even my astrology is weird - I’m a double Aquarian who is cold, rigid and ruled by (of all things...) Uranus.  I didn’t make this stuff up.  Someone else did.  *rimshot*   Thank you! I’m here all night.

Weirdly enough, I'm ok with being a little weird.  Weird is what makes life interesting.  It's what spawns grand adventures and epic sagas.  Life's all about being an awesome #@%@#^ prancin' unicorn.

I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with the Month of June, but that isn’t what this is about

June is great month.  The weather improves. Kids get out of school, making morning commutes easier.  Patios, Balconies and backyards become places of mass merriment and BBQ.  There’s a lot to like this month.

The downside of June is that it has Father’s Day, my Dad’s birthday, and not too far into July, the anniversary of my father’s passing from cancer.  These past few years it’s been an adjustment to not think about gifts and menus.

There’s nothing special about it, most people go through the same process when they lose their parents.  I’m no different than the next person, or the person after them.  The only reason I’m bringing this up, is to give emotional context to what I’m about to say.

I’d really like to ‘hit’ on a recent topic here in Kentucky: How “legal” are our laws against marijuana.  You can read up on a recently filed lawsuit in this Herald Leader article.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve never been into the stoner scene - even in college.  It’s just not my thing - mainly because I’m fully capable of making an ass out of myself completely sober.  I’ve demonstrated this on numerous occasions - none of which I will outline here.  And, I was basically on the non-legalization bandwagon myself a few years ago - until my Dad got sick.

If you’ve not experienced it, or are not currently experiencing it, I can’t begin to tell you how gut-wrenching it is to watch someone you love deteriorate and waste away before your eyes. The only way I can try to explain it is to imagine yourself being dumped into a pool of water without knowing which way is the surface. You can’t breathe, you know you are drowning, and you don’t know which way is up.

After this experience, I can’t help to question why medicinal marijuana is so bad?  Is it bad to use a possibly organic drug to help ease pain without making someone nauseous?  How about a drug that makes them WANT to eat?  I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had with people about sick loved ones that just won’t or can’t eat.  The body looks for other ways to nourish itself, so it starts breaking itself down, which further weakens the patient and starts the downward slide.

I hear the argument of “gateway drug” used often, but aren’t opioids gateway drugs for heroin?  I hear arguments about the effects of marijuana on undeveloped brains - are opioids any different (I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking)?  Alcohol affects developing brains, we just put an age limit on it.    (Side note:  just with some quick googling on alcohol vs marijuana affecting the teenage brain, I came across this study).

Think about it.  What if medicinal marijuana were legal?  

• How much more affordable could health costs be if people could grow their own medicine?
• How much of an economic impact could it be to the Bluegrass, if this were an industry?
• How less of an ecological impact would growing marijuana be vs mining coal?

I’m not saying go all in, carte blanche, doobie-doobie-doo on the issue.  I’m just thinking we can get some real tangible benefits if we were to legalize marijuana for medicinal use.

Why not let them eat space cake?  

btw - this wikipedia post has the funniest unintentionally funny statement I've seen in a while:

"Hash brownies" redirects here. It is not to be confused with hash browns

Yeah, if you confuse these two, you might just have a bad time...

Kathy Griffin - What’s wrong with America wrapped up in one shameless publicity stunt

#1 - Why would ANYONE feel it is appropriate to drench a mask in fake blood and stand there as if you are holding a severed head?  Who in their right mind thinks this is a way to get through to someone?  How to make a political statement?  Guess who else does this as a political statement - ISIS (only they use real heads of real people who've they've slaughtered).  Such a total lack of decorum, respect and good taste.  And for what?  Publicity?  Art? 

Art Schmart. This whole thing shows total lack of respect. Trump will go home to NY in four years. We have more appropriate ways of dealing with this division.  We're adults, let's start acting like it.

#2 - Why on earth do Twitter posts with images of bad words get caught by the “inappropriate” filter, when this picture of a women with a faux severed head popped up several times?  Why is this acceptable while the word “ass” isn’t?  Get real, people.  Yes, bad words and boobies aren’t always appropriate, but neither is this level of imagery.  And to be honest?  I find depiction of violence much more inappropriate than nudity and foul language.  

Why?  Violence is about hurting people.  It's about inflicting pain. No one should be desensitized to the suffering of others.  The more we see it on TV, movies, and social media, the more our emotional response gets dampened.  The more it's used, even in art, the less power it has.

#3 - Making a threat on an acting president (or ex-president) is a FELONY.  That’s spelled F-E-L-O-U-Gonna-B-N-Jail.  How is this not a threat?  How is she not being charged?  If this had been done by a Muslim-American, an African-American, or an Immigrant on a VISA - I’d bet dollars to biscuits they’d be in a small locked room with some very large Secret Service agents have a nice little chat.  Why isn’t the same happening here?  

Why?  Because she’s white?  She’s female?  She’s a ginger? She's rich? Tell me that people aren’t treated differently, and I’ll put you on my “not to be taken seriously" list.

#4 - People think Caucasian women are harmless.  I got news for you folks, white women are just as crazy.  We made Yoga pants and lattes happen.  SWF and Fatal Attraction was about us.  We have Kate Gosselin. We have Mary Kay Letourneau, Casey Anthony, and Madonna.  Ever heard the Dixie Chicks’ song Good Bye Earl (or any country music song written by a woman, sans Faith Hill)?  Hell, three of us Caucasians married Trump.  I think I rest my case.

Want to experience what I’m talking about first hand?  Head back to my neck of the woods and interrupt a woman from her Marlboro break while you tell her that her man has been cheating.  Sit back and watch her be "harmless."

Stop treating us as like we’re background decoration. We aren’t. We're human just like the rest of you and have just the same amount of potential. We are fully capable human beings - some of us make good choices, some of us not so good. 

Don't be fooled by the toy dog in our purse.

/micdrop

*Edited for poor grammar*

We’re all Jon Snow

We know nothing, so we should stop acting like we do.  Yes, I’m talking about you, I’m talking about me, I’m talking about everyone.

I’ve been listening to season 1 of Revisionist History, by Malcolm Gladwell.  Just finished the episodes “Carlos doesn’t remember”, “Food Fight” and “My Little Hundred Million”.  What stood out to me, is how little I understand any of these folks.  I wasn’t a foster kid in an extremely dangerous inner city school, I’m not a rich philanthropist (yet *looks at lottery ticket*), and I’m not an educator.  Each of them face very different problems than what I do on a day to day basis.

As someone with an engineering background, my whole life is about solving problems.  My initial response is to jump in and start working on solutions.  I’m sure many of you have that same trait.  It isn’t a bad thing, but let me throw something in here - problems are complex, especially when dealing with human beings. Socio-economic issues are ever-shifting globs of goo.  They are slippery and sometimes extremely hard to grasp.

When I approach problems, I’m typically approaching it with 1st order information.  That straight forward directly linked information and data.  Issue X affects Y# of people, for Z reasons.  Even if it takes a while to crunch through the data, it’s still straight forward.  But that data isn’t enough, and solutions built as a result aren’t enough either.  This is why it’s important in engineering, or any other development or service role, is to both listen and observe.

Quick story:  Went to my stylist a few weeks ago for a cut/color.  He asked if it would be ok to let one of his understudies (? I’m not sure what they are called.. interns? *shoulder shrug*) to give me a consultation while he watched to give her the experience.  The whole point of the exercise?  Spend time really digging down into what I wanted, what I needed, and to make sure expectations were met.  That first order data point of “I want red” wasn’t enough.  Use examples, build on a common connection point.  Bring over the color swatches to review.  Be concrete to help make the best decision.  Bring your experience and expertise into the discussion to help build a better solution, but make sure it's something that works for the client.

He hit on a very key point.  Can you really solve a problem if you don’t understand those intangible bits of information?  Those non-direct or obvious nuggets of context and understanding?  Knowing and understanding what “red” means to me, is key.  If she went with what she thought of as “red”, I’d probably be in a corner somewhere crying in a fetal position.  You can't talk or describe colors with someone and expect to be on the same page.  You need common experience, you need real concrete examples to connect the internal brain images.

Can you come up with solutions to help impoverished kids do well in school if you've never been "lunch shamed" (or even know what I'm talking about)?

When I look around, I see people problem solving with no idea of what it’s like to survive or be victimized by the problems they are solving.  Men working on women’s policies, rich people discussing lack of insurance, private school parents trying to fix public schools, white people trying to explain racism, young people deciding where old people live, old people complaining that young people need to get a job (and off their lawn), and hippies trying to tell people how to run their businesses.

No wonder things are the way they are right now.  Too many people, with good intentions I’m sure, are developing solutions for problems they’ve never faced in places they’ve never been (or have long since forgotten).  The most egregious is rich people trying to solve poor people's problems.  This just leads to policies that aren't sufficient, which continues the cycle of poverty and lack of opportunities, which continues the lack of understanding at levels where policies get made.

We shouldn't assume we know how to fix someone else's problems.  Maybe we should focus on helping them build better solutions.

We need to remember to dig deep, talk to people who know (or better yet, involve them in the discussion), listen, and remember - you know nothing.

** By the way, I recommend the Revisionist History podcast.

Do Introverts Grieve Enough?

A friend on social media posted (or I should say re-posted) an article from last year on the three types of grief people don’t discuss.  I happened to be taking a 5 min mind break at work, and read it.  I wish I had left it to later in the evening.  If I were smarter, I would have realized that from the title alone.

Sitting there, in my cube, reading 3 Kinds of Grief Nobody Talks About, I had a powerful emotional moment.   One of the kinds where you feel like your bones might break from the weight of it.  

“Grief is not always about death, but it is always about attachment and separation.”

Attachment.

Separation.

I’m currently going through the process of selling my home, building a new one, and moving into a temporary place.  My whole life for the next few months will be transitional.  I’ve been looking through closets and cupboards purging things that I won’t be taking with me into this new chapter of my life (or even into the interlude before the next chapter).

Occasionally, a level of unexpected emotionality will just hit me. “Pretty soon, I’ll be out of here…. This will be the last time I do <x> here…” 

And then the big whammy, “When I get to the new house, I won’t have any memories of my dad there”.  Cue the waterworks.  I have to remember to take deep breaths and think about puppies.

I remember having similar feelings when my car died and I had to get a new one.  I cried.  I didn’t cry because of the car, I cried because of the memories it represented.  It was the physical manifestation of those memories.  Losing the Batmobile (yes, I called it that in my head), I lost the ability to see and to touch those memories.  Like the memory of pranking my dad by turning on the seat heater in July without him knowing.  I can still see him shifting uncomfortably in the seat.  I finally couldn't hold my laughter in any longer and let him off the hook.  He laughed and was glad nothing was wrong with his "@$$."

I was attached to the car not because I'm materialistic, because of my memories.

I knew what my dad felt sitting in my car or in my house because I was there with him.  I know because I experience the same environment firsthand.  I know this sounds weird.  I could tell that my boyfriend at the time thought I was being weird.  He was smart enough not to verbalize it, but I could tell nonetheless when I said farewell to the Batmobile.

Moving on to new places and things, there’s no connection.  There’s no attachment.  I’m separating myself from what I knew and the life I have lived to create a new type of life.  I’m cutting one cord, and grabbing on to a new one that not everyone I’ve cared about has experienced. I also have no idea if new attachments will be forged.

I already grieved the loss of my dad, as he passed away a few years ago.  But, I never thought about the anxiety I go through during big changes, like I’m going through right now, as a form of grief. That in making these memory attachments to “things” and “places”, I go through yet another grief cycle when those things are gone too. I hate feeling this way.

If you’ve read any of my other bogs, you have probably figured out I’m quite an introvert.  There are days I just want to wear a sign that says “Can’t people today, #SorryNotSorry.”

What are the main traits of introverts?  We live in our heads, we typically aren’t outgoing people, we tend to have a smaller group of friends, and we like being home.  We like controlling our environment.  We limit our attachments to people.

If we have limited attachments, we have less opportunity for separations.

If we control our environment, we have a larger control over the probability of separation.

If you are an introvert.  You suffer less separation.  But when it happens (at least to me) holy !@$!%!.

“Grief is not always about death, but it is always about attachment and separation.”

Attachment.

Separation.

What if the real reason I’m an introvert, isn’t some random genetic trait?  What if it comes down to one simple thing - the ability, or capacity, to grieve? 

Could I be less socially awkward and introverted, if I simply learned to be more comfortable with the loss of, or change in, relationships?  What if I just need to learn how to be more efficient at the cycle of grief?  Or fear grief less?

Maybe I do need to grieve more, but I sure as hell don't want to....

Symphonic Resonance

I ran across this article, by Mark B. Baer, in Psychology Today that explains the seemingly decoherence of the Left’s reaction to Comey’s tenure and ultimate firing. Essentially, Baer argues that it comes down to context, which is the result of empathy. Empathetic people understand context. Un-empathetic people don’t.

I’m not a big fan of the entire article, as it’s saying anyone who doesn’t understand the left’s reaction to the removal of the FBI director, doesn't understand context and not empathetic. I don’t buy it.

I agree that someone could feel he needed to be fired, and still shocked/worried when it happened. Why? Because this has been going on a for quite a while, and yet when the firing happened, no succession plan was in place. Given current events and probes, this seems rather incompetent and ill-advised. If you are going to make a play, draw it up first and take your team through it.

I also agree that someone could shake their head at someone who calls for a firing, then laments the act when it happens. It comes back to consistency.

Now, the real point of me bringing up this article, is it references this summary (written by Kim Hartman) of the book A Whole New Mind, by Daniel Pink. Yes, I do eventually get to the point. It’s over 10 years old now, but looks to still have some legs.

This book works under the assumption that there are multiple stages in our evolution - efficiency, then facts, and then on to context. And, if your wondering, we’re moving from facts to context at the moment. To be successful, one must go beyond left-brained attitudes focused on micro-attentions on minutia, and move into the realm of right-brained holism. It’s not good enough to just know the things. You need to know why the things.

With the internet, anyone can access any bit of information available within seconds (well, I guess that only goes for about half the world, sadly, as many are still without access, whether due to lack of infrastructure or lack of funds, but that’s a different topic). There’s no value in simply knowing facts anymore. No value in rote memorization.

Quick poll: How many of you, over the age of 30, can recite your parents’ landline phone number? Now, how many of you can recite your best friend’s cellphone number? Or your child’s, or your siblings’, or you boss’s?

There’s no value because everything is at our fingertips - quite literally. So, this idea of moving up to the next layer of intellectual consciousness seems to make sense. What else are we to do with our brains if we no longer need to memorize multiplication tables?

Out of the 6 new “aptitudes” Pink outlines, one stood out to me - “Symphony” (others being design, story, empathy, play and meaning). This was also the section brought out in the aforementioned article. Symphony is the idea of synthesis over analysis. Being someone with an engineering/CompSci background, this piqued my interest. I’ve always believed, at least to this point, that analysis was the end goal and how you synthesized data. I didn't know they were different.

You get your data sets together, you look at them, make a decision and boom - you're off and running. Classic analysis. So, what what is different with "synthesis"? Not quite sure I see the difference just yet. I guess I will have to read the book! Which I will and I will do a classic book report when I'm done!  You.  Are.  Welcome (eventually).

I’m assuming they are essentially two sides of the same coin. Analysis is more passive - you wait to see what the data tells you. Synthesis, however, is active - you take and mold information and data together to create new insights.

Maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless, I absolutely love the terminology used. This visceral idea of a symphonic convergence of information, context and understanding. Looking at the basis of core innovation as a collection of strings, woodwinds, percussion and brass instruments, being conducted into one complete harmonious movement that conveys it’s own deep unique meaning. A group of brass, or percussions alone do provide music, but fail to provide the level of richness that a full symphony does. Singularly focused ideas miss out on some of the nuance and texture that is found when used in a larger context.

Maybe I need to think less singular thoughts and branch out into grand symphonic ideas. Oh, to be such a talented conductor to achieve this very thing!

Maybe I will buy that baton... this symphony thing is resonating with me..

The Not Giving a !@$ Tree

Angry tirade incoming...

The Giving Tree (by Shel Silverstein) would make me cry when I was younger.  The tree was such a heartbreaking tale to me, but I could never quite put my finger on why it affected me so much.  Silverstein was writing a story about the Joy that comes from selfless love.  Why did it make me sad?  When I really started to think about the story as an adult, I started to understand my underlying feelings.  That sadness turned to anger.

I know, a kids book? Anger?  Really?

Let me explain.

Now, interpretations of the story have the tree as a mother or friend.  I'd argue that there could also be a romantic relationship interpretation.  The following can apply in any of the interpretations.

The boy uses the tree.  She wants him with her, so she does everything she can to make him happy.  At first, it's apples.  Then, leaves and branches.  Finally, she gets chopped down leaving her nothing but a stump.  She gave up her essential self as a tree for someone else.  Someone else who didn't seem concerned by the loss of who she was, as long as he got what he wanted.

He never said thank you.  He never said he loved her.  He left her to pursue other women.  He hallowed her out, depriving anyone else of enjoying what she had to offer.  When all she has left is a stump, what does he do?  He sits on her.  He <edited for coarseness> her!  And, she was HAPPY?

This is exactly what is wrong with our society.  We glamorize the wrong kinds of sacrifices and set up the wrong examples of healthy relationships.

We tell little girls that this is what you do in a relationship.  Give until there's nothing left and be happy about it.  Put your happiness in someone else besides yourself.  Follow someone else's purpose for you, not the purpose God has laid out for you.

I do believe that sacrifices are essential parts to living a disciplined, purposeful life. Those sacrifices, however, need to be the right kind.  The kind that help mold you into a better version of yourself and purpose (some might interpret this more as passion, either works).

You sacrifice partying to get through school.  You sacrifice money to spend more quality time with family.  You sacrifice your time taking care of a loved one.  You sacrifice popularity, opportunities, and friendships to do what's right.

There's nothing wrong with sacrifice, as long as it isn't a sacrifice of your core self.

The Giving Tree compromised her essential self by giving everything she had away in order to be happy with just that one boy.  She went from healthy, fruit bearing tree to lifeless stump.

Who considers this healthy life choice?

This is why I get so angry with this book.  People read it to their impressionable children as a "good" story.  It isn't.  Not even close.  I would not want any child of mine to think this is acceptable behavior out of their friends or romantic partners.  Pick people who help you grow, not those who cut you down and strip you bare.

No healthy relationship should require you to sacrifice who you are or your essential purpose in life.  If you find this difficult to understand - I have better things to do and they don't include you.



If I were to rewrite this book? I'd call it The Not Giving-a-@#% Tree.

• Want to have some of my apples?  Fine, don't be greedy and leave some for others.
• Want to swing in my branches?  Fine, just play nice with others.
• Want to build a house?  Fine, build it out of that heifer you are running off with.
• Want a place to sit down? Fine, you can bring a chair or sit your behind down on the grass.
• Want me to be anything else other than a tree?  I don't give a @#%, I'm a tree.  Deal with it.